[00:00:20] Speaker A: Did you bring socks, like an extra pair of socks?
[00:00:26] Speaker B: I brought exclusively socks.
[00:00:28] Speaker A: Okay, good, because I'm looking in here. I guess I left the packing cube that had all of my socks. And they were fun socks, too. Parrots can't do that. Bananas and like other tropical things.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: You have the breakfast socks.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: I know.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: I was looking forward to you busting those out.
[00:00:45] Speaker A: It looks like a waffle. And then there's a little pat of butter that's sort of drips down the. And these are like knee socks. So it drips down from the knee, but I can't find them.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: What I like about that specifically is that on the sole of the sock, it has in Waffle House logos, the squares, it has written out breakfast on 1ft and socks on the other. And I think that that's a really cute touch.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: Well, they're meant to be photographed, they're meant to be modeled in. And I know that the fun sock Co.
Is going to be pissed that I'm not going to be able to do that as part of our paid partnership on this cruise because I brought exclusively hard shoes, so I am going to need socks.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: You're wearing straight up hiking boots right now. It's a weird choice for a cruise ship.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: Well, I was told that this cruise ship, and it was sold to us as the best of the best. Like, if you want to start being a part of the cruise industry, this is the ship to take. I was told that it had multiple rock climbing walls, like free solo ones. I was expecting that I would come on and you could climb the mast free solo, like the big thing at the top with the swirly thing.
[00:02:17] Speaker B: I know what a mast is. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, I hear you.
[00:02:22] Speaker A: So imagine my disappointment when I was told to get down.
[00:02:26] Speaker B: Yeah, that's not how that works. I believe the rock climbing wall is in the children's arena.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: The children's arena, which, by the way, I don't know if you've been to, but I think those are lions. I think they're real lions.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: This cruise is everything. Those kids are straight up, arms to the teeth, and there is a lion coming in. It's great.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: So we wanted to get into the cruise industry and we were told, take this boat that is heavily biblical themed and you can climb on it. And lo and behold, only half of that is true. So are these, like, ankle socks? Because I do need some height for the boots.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: I got all of them.
[00:03:09] Speaker A: Oh, you got all lengths?
[00:03:10] Speaker B: I got all lengths. I got ankle, I got toe, I got heel. I got shit.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: What do you mean by toe? You mean it just stops at the toe?
[00:03:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: Like at the balls?
[00:03:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Think, like, mittens.
[00:03:20] Speaker A: That's not what mittens are.
[00:03:22] Speaker B: It's close.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: That would be if you cut the fingers off of a mitten and put it on, like a hat.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I do that. Yeah, I do that for my regular mittens. It looks cool.
[00:03:32] Speaker A: Is that why you're always. When you come in from the cold in winter, is that why your hands are always, like, extremely red palm, like, knuckle down, and then your fingers, perfectly.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: Normal, are nice and toasty, and then when you curl them, it warms up the ice? Yeah, it's really nice, actually.
[00:03:49] Speaker A: Oh, I thought you were threatening me when you would hold up your fists like that with your fingers balled up.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: No, I'm doing reverse frostbite.
[00:03:58] Speaker A: Reverse frostbite. Well, that's the move. That's what you shout when you're, like, in your street fights. I've seen you. You go reverse frostbite, and then you sort of puff yourself out and just, like, rabbit punch a guy.
[00:04:12] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
I hope they open up the children's arena on this cruise to adults, because I got to bust that out. I got to bust that move out.
[00:04:21] Speaker A: Are you envisioning that you will battle the children or you will battle the lions?
[00:04:26] Speaker B: I will battle both at the same time and come out victorious.
[00:04:31] Speaker A: So you're envisioning mid gladiator battle. You jump into the center of the arena and take everyone and then whip.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: Out my frostbite moves? Yeah, it's great.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: Okay.
I guess what I'm looking for mainly is crew. Like, crew socks.
[00:04:48] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I got this for you right here. Yeah, no problem.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: Oh, nice. These are fun. These are, like, USA. Are these, like, 1988 Olympics themed? These are great.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: Yeah. And I got one for every year I got 1988 Olympics. I got 1989, the Taylor Swift album.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: That's fun.
And then you've got the one. That's the original, and then you've got Taylor's version, obviously, on the left.
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I do. That one's still on the way, because Scooter Braun, let me tell you, he did not do a good job.
[00:05:19] Speaker A: I heard he's here.
[00:05:20] Speaker B: The albums. Scooter's here.
[00:05:22] Speaker A: I heard he's. And he has them with him. He's got them in a suitcase that's handcuffed to his wrist.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: I'll tell you what. The one thing Taylor found, the loophole with the albums. The one thing she couldn't find was a loophole for the socks. Scooter's got a lock on the socks.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: He's going to be printing those things for the rest of her life.
Okay, so I'll just take.
[00:05:43] Speaker B: I'm so glad Alex isn't here.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm so glad that we finally get a chance to talk. Just talk. You and me, just talk.
No, but this is great. I do know, despite the letdowns, I think if we are going to build a cruise port for Lindbrook, which is obviously our stated work trip goal here, I think this is a good ship to check it out. I mean, obviously we've got the deluxe cabin, which is. It does look like there's about a foot of space between the twin head. So technically you can walk around this room. So that's pretty good. But we'll have to check out the other amenities, obviously.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I mean, I will say that a lot of this is, don't get me wrong, this is like the starter pack cruise line that we're just doing as you know, just to kind of get a feel for things. Do the best of the best. But it is weird that it is the christian theme. They did call this the cruise of the covenant. I believe we're on the Noah. And I got to say that, I don't know, we got the lion stand, which is. That's always fun. But they have more churches like church rooms than they have buffets. And they have a lot of buffets.
[00:06:58] Speaker A: Well, a lot of the buffets, that's how they get. You lead right into the church. Like that's where you pick up your utensils and stuff. And then before you know it, you're sitting in a pew eating rib.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: It is cool that you get to eat during the service. They never let me do that at home.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: I don't know if you've been to. Immediately after we got on, I went beelined for the buffet and the only thing that was there was the blood and body of Christ.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: Yeah, they said that they had a short buffet line. Yeah, they said they had a single loaf of bread. I noticed, and like seven fishes. And they said, we'll fix that later. But I'm not sure what they had in mind.
I don't know how that's going to feed the whole ship.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: No trays. They just put it directly on your tongue I found surprising. But hey, that's weird.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: I also noticed that that's what they.
[00:07:47] Speaker A: Do on Margaritaville, though.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: I went to the bar and they just had water.
[00:07:52] Speaker A: Really?
[00:07:52] Speaker B: It's a weird choice.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: This is supposed to be the best. This is supposed to convince us that we should do cruises from Limerick.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know. Interesting. Anyway, this is everybody loves everybody loves Raymond. We started recording a while ago.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: Oh, we got a.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: We got to bang one out.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: We weren't going to do that this week. I thought, like, okay, come on. Do they have a podcast studio on board the ship? Is that one of the amenities, or are we just doing the wireless mics thing again?
[00:08:24] Speaker B: I just got clipons to my shirt and your shirt, and I think that's it. I don't have a.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: And these are, like, inconspicuous people will open up to us pretty easily. You think?
[00:08:33] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, definitely.
It's only like, what, like, foot long?
[00:08:39] Speaker A: Yeah, it's one of those shotgun mics. And of course, we clipped it on so it faces out. I don't think that'll be a problem.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: Yeah, you got to just don't let that. Just don't bump into anything. You should be okay.
[00:08:49] Speaker A: If people get suspicious, I will lay down and then you point yours across, mine to form across, and of course, they'll be so awestruck.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: That'll be it.
[00:09:01] Speaker A: Wait, I'm getting something on input three. What is this? I'm getting a little bit of static. It sounds like something's clicking on.
What?
[00:09:11] Speaker B: I'm sick.
[00:09:12] Speaker A: Alex, is that you?
He's stuck in us. Can you hear us? Do you have headphones on?
[00:09:20] Speaker B: I can't make heads or tails of this.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: Is he in a suitcase? Did he say?
[00:09:25] Speaker B: Now? That wouldn't make any sense. This is everybody loves everybody loves Raymond. Today we're all getting together. We're talking about season three, episode 17 of Everybody loves Raymond, which is cruising with Marie, right? That's the name of the episode.
[00:09:40] Speaker A: That's right. Okay, synopsis that you've prepared. Or should we throw to Alex for that?
[00:09:46] Speaker B: Oh, we should, definitely. I'm not doing any work. We should throw to Alex for this part.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Alex, if you can hear us, just start doing a synopsis of the episode, and hopefully it'll come through.
[00:09:58] Speaker C: We cut to the bottom part of the cruise. Zooming camera single, inconspicuous suitcase.
[00:10:06] Speaker B: Sweet life on deck, transition style. We head out the porthole of that. We hear the.
As we go around the boat and zoom in on the cargo space underneath the surface of the water.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: And obviously, all of you can picture that because you're exactly as old as we are.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Correct.
[00:10:32] Speaker C: Finally, I got this damn suitcase open. Adam. Katie. Oh, shit. My phone ran out of cat glitter. And my phone runs on cat glitter, by the way.
Well, I appear to be stuck underneath at, like, the bottom of the cruise ship. Oh, no. If Mike and Adam are left alone to do the podcast, they talk about stupid bullshit for too long.
Now, how are the audience going to know that this is everybody loves everybody loves Raymond? And we're talking about season three, episode seven, cruising with Marie. When Raymond and Marie go out to sea, Ray finds out that Marie is far more capable of living and existing on her own without Frank. And Robert and Frank get up to some weird shenanigans. When Frank hurts his knee. How is the audience gonna know that without me? Good thing I have this microphone in my little chargeable pack right here. I think I'm just going to start walking.
If anyone has ever heard of the back rooms, this place kind of looks like the back rooms. I just kind of. Just kind of eliminal space that seems to go on forever. I think I'm on a ship. Oh, right.
Mike and Adam were doing a cruise ship thing, and I got put in the suitcase when I was playing that game. How much of myself can I fit inside Mike's suitcase, which is my favorite game to play?
And I guess I won.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: Hey, who goes there?
[00:12:07] Speaker C: Hello, ma'am.
[00:12:09] Speaker B: What the hell are you doing here?
[00:12:11] Speaker C: Oh, another person.
I love you. I love you. I'm going to kiss you.
[00:12:16] Speaker B: Hi. I'm a lion. I really don't trust like that. I don't know.
You're in my space. This is not what I'm here for.
[00:12:27] Speaker C: You're a literal lion. Why is there a lion on this cruise ship?
[00:12:31] Speaker B: Excuse me. I paid for this just like everybody else. How dare you imply I don't belong.
[00:12:37] Speaker C: Okay, I'm sorry. I have to check. I have to leave my biases at the deck.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: Don't you forget it.
[00:12:43] Speaker C: Okay, well, what are you doing?
[00:12:45] Speaker B: This is my space. I paid for this shit.
[00:12:47] Speaker C: You paid for this area? This creepy bottom of the cruise ship area?
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Well, specifically, I'm working my way through, but yeah.
[00:12:54] Speaker C: Okay. Do you mind if I tag along? I'm looking to get back to my friends who don't know I'm here.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: I'm working for this. I can't just let you hop on, okay? You got to be willing to eat.
[00:13:04] Speaker C: A few kits, Mr. Lion. I'm not asking to hop on and ride you.
[00:13:08] Speaker B: Wait, did you say Mr. Lion's my father? Call me cowardly.
[00:13:13] Speaker C: Oh, okay, then. Mr. Lee, my name is Alex, and I'm lost. I'm not asking to ride you. I also don't want to, I would.
[00:13:25] Speaker B: Jesus.
My God, dude.
[00:13:29] Speaker C: Well, Mr.
Lee, are you afraid of liminal spaces?
[00:13:37] Speaker B: Not particularly, I suppose. Just thought this was, like, my den for the day. I don't know. All right, well, it's not unless in decor, but what are you going to do?
[00:13:47] Speaker C: Well, let's go that way. All these walls are blue, but those ones are yellow. I got a good feeling about those ones. So, Mr. Lee, are you a fan of everybody loves Raymond?
[00:13:58] Speaker B: What a wild question. To start with. Okay, yeah. I mean, I love the know, this.
[00:14:04] Speaker C: Little scuffle that we got into ourselves reminds me of the time that Raymond unexpectedly got on a cruise ship as well. How'd you think that was handled?
[00:14:13] Speaker B: Did you not expect to come on this cruise ship? I've been planning this for months.
[00:14:17] Speaker C: No, I don't have a ticket and I'm actually not supposed to be here.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: All right, what am I not? I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a snitch.
I think that Ray was kind of stick in the mud the whole time. To be real with you, I mean. Hey, listen, I like eating as much as the next guy, I really do.
You see, he burps up a shoe and he just keeps.
[00:14:44] Speaker C: Ah, it's a child.
[00:14:46] Speaker B: Know, I gotta keep myself lean. I can't eat a full guy. Come on. I can't be like Ray. I can't just throw all diet to the wind. But I will say this, he did look like. Don't get me wrong, he was a grumpy ass, grumpy gills guy the whole time. I don't think he had a great time. But I will say, sitting around doing nothing except eating seems like a pretty good vacation just on paper.
[00:15:13] Speaker C: I think that's why you're here, is it not, Mr. Lee?
[00:15:17] Speaker B: I am here to enjoy a cruise. I've heard that this is the first one leaving Lynbrook, and I am a representative of the Lions association.
Yeah, Lions club.
[00:15:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:31] Speaker C: Well, you know what, Mr. Lyon? It sounds like all you really want is to eat. All my big wish is to get out of here. And maybe whoever we find at the end of this trail will be able to help us. And while we continue walking and looking for potentially other zany, wacky characters to talk about everybody loves Raymond with, I'm going to just kind of silently reminisce about what my two friends might be up to about 200ft above us.
[00:15:58] Speaker B: Oh, you might be able to text them.
[00:16:00] Speaker C: No, shut up. I'm trying to reminisce. I'm out of cat glitter. I got some shit.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: I'm a cat. I got a glitter.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: The lion leaps in the air, and a sort of rainbow of glitter hangs in the air behind him. And Alex sort of just scoops it up.
[00:16:17] Speaker B: As he does that, we do the again.
[00:16:23] Speaker C: We got to get that theme transition.
[00:16:25] Speaker B: No, that costs too much money. We're just going to make the noise every time the. Oh. Plays as the camera swings around, goes through the porthole again.
And we cut back to Adam and Mike.
[00:16:37] Speaker A: So what do you call this? The lanai? No, the lido deck.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't was. I'm sorry. When the tour guide was explaining it, I was drinking my pina colada. I wasn't paying attention.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: Pina colada. Wow. Somebody is getting into the cruising lifestyle. Wow.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Hey, listen, this is an expensive cruise that they are trying out for us. I got to enjoy it while I'm here.
[00:17:03] Speaker A: Well, I mean, they have a lot of stuff going on. I mean, shuffle board, it looks like down there. It's got a couple of hot tubs here and may, you know. Looking good, everyone here.
I'm just saying they attract a good.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: Mm hmm. We got all the lookers of Lynbrook over here.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: The lookers of Lynbrook, indeed.
[00:17:26] Speaker B: We got lookers of Limbrook, which, by the way, is a great club. That's a great bird watching group.
[00:17:32] Speaker A: Yeah, they're very. And they donate so much to charity.
[00:17:36] Speaker C: I know you, too. You work?
I'm the head of the Lynbrook Lookout society, where we go bird watching. I'm Larry lookout.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Larry.
[00:17:45] Speaker B: Oh, sorry. I thought you were your brother. Doug. I'm sorry. I misplaced you. Hey, Larry. Good to see Doug.
[00:17:51] Speaker C: Doug is. Doug is dead, anyway.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: Doug is dead.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: We met.
[00:17:57] Speaker B: Oh, you know what? I heard about that. He died fighting the lion last week, right?
[00:18:01] Speaker C: Yeah. That's why we only watch birds.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: We met you at that event where Mike and I cut the ribbon opening that.
[00:18:09] Speaker C: Oh, and what a beautiful birdhouse it is.
Well, as for what we're doing here, we're just looking out for those rare ocean birds. We haven't found any yet, but seagulls and the like. Well, no, not seagulls. Seagulls are there in the bay.
[00:18:25] Speaker A: Okay. What birds are you looking for?
[00:18:27] Speaker C: Bagels.
[00:18:28] Speaker A: Bagels? Well, wouldn't you expect to find.
[00:18:33] Speaker C: That's what they want you to think.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: Oh, it's like a trick name.
[00:18:35] Speaker C: It's like Greenland and fun.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: Who came up with that? Audubon? That's a good one. That's hilarious.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: That's a good one. Larry, you got me on that one. Larry, I got to ask, did you see the episode of everybody loves Raymond that we streamed townwide this week?
[00:18:53] Speaker C: Yeah, they stream straight to my binoculars. So instead of looking at birds like I'm supposed to, I'm actually watching the show that I haven't seen before.
[00:19:01] Speaker B: Oh, I didn't know we got binoculars. Did you get the binoculars? Deal. Done. Adam, I'm impressed. I'm impressed with you.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: I got in with sharper image in a big way. So a lot of those weird little things, binoculars, neck massagers, very specific body shaving tools, like inner ear shaving devices, will play the audio from everybody loves Raymond working on Brookstones, because if we can get Brookstones, then we've got that market you're not getting of weird garbage that nobody wants or needs.
[00:19:36] Speaker C: You're telling me it's cool but scares away the birds.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: Yeah, that's fair. But I wanted to ask you, this is an interesting thing that you are doing here. You're bird watching, even though it's one of your main hobbies, right? I mean, that's kind of your big thing. I was interested when I saw the activities for Marie, and don't get me wrong, Marie had a great time, but what she was excited for was shuffleboard, was bingo. Stuff that I don't know about you, but I certainly see normal people doing kind of all over the place every so often.
I was kind of surprised that those were the big events.
[00:20:14] Speaker A: Bingo, maybe. How many opportunities do you have in the spaces that you move through life where you have the opportunity to play shuffleboard?
[00:20:25] Speaker B: Shuffleboard.
[00:20:25] Speaker C: Genuinely.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: Shuffle board. Genuinely. I play shuffleboard at least three times a year. This is not a bit. This is in the calendar.
Jones beach, which is a 15 minutes drive from Limbrook, New York, has free shuffle boards that you can just go to. I don't have my own shuffleboard thing, so you got to rent those. But that's where you play it. That's a good shuffle board.
[00:20:45] Speaker C: Fucks with a capital UK.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: I like shuffleboard. I just don't see many opportunities. Unless you go to the beach where you might play it. It's not like they have them just in the street, but it's not just.
[00:20:58] Speaker C: That they had candle making, they had origami. These are things that are like, fun and just chill to do.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: You're right. And we got the jazzer size, we got the Tai Chi, we got all that stuff. You're right for everyone.
[00:21:10] Speaker C: And I like how 95% of the people we saw were over the age of 65, which is accurate.
[00:21:16] Speaker A: It did seem like an older cruise, except for the one couple on their honeymoon. And. Yeah, I guess. Ted, do you mind if we get in the hot tub with you by the.
Just.
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Yeah, sure. I just have to stop spreading my legs.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: Okay, thanks. Wow.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: That'll do a very lot of room.
[00:21:33] Speaker C: Oh, pinch the bird. It's pinch the old bird eggs. Come on in.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: They're incubating.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:43] Speaker A: And would you mind just. Here's a tube of 50. Would you mind just getting the shoulders for us? Mike and I will sit on either side of you so you can put sunscreen in one hand and do us both at once. And then we'll turn around.
[00:21:57] Speaker C: Larry puts his arms around both of you and starts making this weird motion with his hands and does not spread the sunscreen out at all.
[00:22:05] Speaker A: He's not touching us. He's just holding his hands above our shoulders. It's like maybe they won't notice.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: This is weird.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: I guess it's working. I'm not burning.
I liked about the cruise activities.
Marie seemed to have been changing her biographical details for every activity that she was doing and every person.
I loved that telling Mary Beth. Mary Beth Yarosh from know to remember, you're not just his lover, you're his best friend. And how great it is being married.
And her excuse for that is she just got married. She has time to be disappointed later.
[00:22:56] Speaker C: Super funny.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: Yeah. And then the merry widows obviously being the big example of this.
All of their husbands are dead. Do they know you're not a widow? And very funny.
[00:23:11] Speaker C: Absolutely hilarious. I love that.
[00:23:13] Speaker A: You know, Larry, lookout. Larry, look out.
We are actually surreptitiously. Don't tell anyone. Recording a podcast right now in a hot tub. Yeah, it's not the first time.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: Don't get any water on the.
[00:23:29] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, sort of tilt your sternum up there.
[00:23:32] Speaker C: Podcast in a hot tub with a stupid idea.
[00:23:34] Speaker A: But I don't know if you've ever listened to it. Everybody loves everybody loves Raymond. It's sort of the best. Everybody loves Raymond rewatch podcast, maybe.
[00:23:45] Speaker C: I think you guys talk about the episode a little too much.
[00:23:47] Speaker A: Aside from that, you think we should put more of our personal lives on it?
[00:23:51] Speaker C: I mean, if you didn't, I wouldn't be here. Larry, look out. Ho, ho, ho. Hoity doity.
[00:23:56] Speaker A: Well, we do what we usually do when we put out these episodes, I think, which is just take out people's comments about the episode, sort of stitch them together. Like documentary episodes. Yeah, 20 minutes, real in and out. But no, I mean, we're just glad to connect with you on an interpersonal level on this show. We usually go pretty deep on the guest stars that appear, and there were a lot of them in this episode. I don't want to bore you with details about all five of the Mary widows.
[00:24:29] Speaker C: Oh, thank you.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: Would you like to choose one? And you might not have any way of knowing their names. Just say one through five and I'll tell you. I have that memorized.
I'll tell you a little bit about them.
[00:24:43] Speaker C: Give me the one who guest starred on iCarly.
[00:24:45] Speaker A: Are you talking? You're talking.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: You know, your.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: Oh, yes, that's. Wait a second, Larry. I'm just thinking back in my memory palace to Jean Sincere's IMDb page. Under spouses, it does say she was divorced.
[00:25:04] Speaker C: No.
[00:25:06] Speaker B: All right, fine.
[00:25:06] Speaker C: I'm a guilt hunter and I like bagels.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: Guilt hunter.
[00:25:12] Speaker B: All right, Larry, we got a lot out of you there, okay?
[00:25:17] Speaker A: It does say under here that she was married in 2009 when she was 90 years old. So you really got in there at the. Got in there. You really met her at the end of her life.
[00:25:31] Speaker C: Yeah. She was a real bird, wasn't she?
[00:25:34] Speaker A: I guess Jean Sincere has been on your mind as well.
[00:25:39] Speaker C: I'm only sincere about two things, bagels and other various birds, including your. Oh, shit. And Gene Shinsir.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: So I got to ask you here, Larry, look at, when you talk about Beagles, if I handed you in everything, would you be happy? Are you talking about the goals on the bag? I need clarification here.
[00:26:02] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: I think instead of asking him, why don't you flag down one of the waiters and have them? Because there's that guy right there with a bunch of bagels walking around. Platter Bagels is 09:00 a.m. By the way.
[00:26:19] Speaker B: Hey, waiter.
[00:26:21] Speaker C: Yes, sir?
[00:26:22] Speaker B: You got Poppy?
[00:26:23] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:26:24] Speaker B: Can you bring a poppy over here?
[00:26:26] Speaker C: Okay. And he just takes the poppy bagel and throws it. Oh, there it is.
[00:26:33] Speaker A: Larry leapt out of the hot tub and. All right, I think off the side, there's got to be another deck below us, right, Mike?
[00:26:42] Speaker B: Certainly. But this is in like an upside down triangle format. I don't know if you'll hit it.
[00:26:48] Speaker A: What?
[00:26:49] Speaker B: Like the boat is upside down triangle. Like, it gets more narrow as you go in. Yeah. Okay.
Am I painting the picture?
[00:26:58] Speaker A: Well, no, I know what you mean, but I think that only extends from the lowest deck on the.
[00:27:05] Speaker C: It's not just like a literal upside down triangle forever.
[00:27:09] Speaker B: I disagree.
[00:27:10] Speaker A: All right, well, Mike, I'm sure he's fine. Let me tell you about his. I don't know what you call it when you're, I guess, his widow. But he's a widow. Anyway, Gene sincere, 1919 to 2013.
She's been on a couple of things, not a ton for such a long 57, including Malcolm in the middle. Fraser, er, of course, likes a lot of our classic guest stars. Their credits.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: West wing.
[00:27:41] Speaker A: West wing. Good question.
I don't think so, actually.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Lame.
[00:27:46] Speaker A: But she was on the Wayans brothers, which is kind of the west wing of the. Of not being the west wing of the WB.
But her last credit. I mentioned that she passed away in 2013. Her last credit was as Gloria in one episode of iCarly in 2012.
[00:28:06] Speaker B: Yeah, Larry knew all about that. That's right.
[00:28:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, anyway, I hope Larry's okay.
[00:28:13] Speaker C: So we go to another sweet life transition. And while we're going from porthole to porthole, we see Larry fall straight down in front of the camera, zooming back into the bottom deck where Alex and Coward Lee are walking through the.
Sir, it sure has been going a.
Looks like.
Looks like we're getting to a different area of the basement. Like it was yellow, and now it's just yellow on the floor. And the walls are painted to look like a spooky forest.
[00:28:52] Speaker B: I can see that. So are you just scared of silence?
[00:28:57] Speaker C: I feel uncomfortable.
[00:28:59] Speaker A: Hot tub.
[00:29:02] Speaker C: Did you hear that?
[00:29:03] Speaker B: I'm going to pretend I didn't because this is my suite. I'm going to be very upset if there's another. This is your suite.
[00:29:09] Speaker C: This is a whole thing.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: Yeah, this is what I got, man.
[00:29:13] Speaker C: Basically, you're walking me. You're trying to kick me out of your place.
[00:29:18] Speaker B: I'm glad you picked up on that.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: Okay, well, look, that hot tub needs oiling.
Hello, Mr.
[00:29:28] Speaker B: Hot tub. Are you okay?
[00:29:33] Speaker C: Are you like a pokemon that you could only say, it's a little weird.
[00:29:36] Speaker B: That you can only say hot tub.
Or he's asking for a hot tub.
Is this hot tub asking for a hot tub? Do we need to put another hot tub inside of him?
[00:29:47] Speaker A: Well, turn hot me on.
[00:29:51] Speaker B: Oh, okay. He's giving some good ideas.
[00:29:53] Speaker C: All right, well, all right. It's been a while, but big slow wing. Hey. All right, I'll turn you on.
So, hot tub, you come here often?
[00:30:07] Speaker A: Oh, that feels so much better. Thank you.
[00:30:12] Speaker C: You're welcome. My name is Alex, and this is coward. Cowardly.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: Hey, how you doing?
[00:30:18] Speaker A: You're the guy who shut me off earlier.
[00:30:21] Speaker B: Yeah. You're making too much noise. No, it was too hot.
[00:30:25] Speaker C: He burned me I guess that makes sense.
Lions hate water, right?
[00:30:30] Speaker A: The thing to adjust the temperature is right there on the opposite wall from the hot tub, like it should be and is normal.
[00:30:38] Speaker C: Isn't that weird? Hot tub. What do you think of that?
[00:30:42] Speaker A: Oh, on the episode of Everybody loves Raymond, that was.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Yes. Watch tv.
[00:30:47] Speaker C: We're just going to talk about it like you already know what's happening. I'm tired of asking people if they've seen this show.
[00:30:52] Speaker A: Well, as you can see, I'm situated directly across from a tv, so of course I saw it. And if you haven't noticed, my jets have little eyeballs in them.
I did notice in that scene where Frank was in that hot tub, vava voom, by the way, that it was very odd. And I don't know if this is like, a thing just from older hot tubs from the previous century, but why would the thing to control the volume of the hot tub be on the opposite wall from where the hot tub is so that you would have to get out to adjust the hot tub temperature?
[00:31:30] Speaker C: Because comedy.
[00:31:31] Speaker A: Mr. Tucker, couldn't they have put the switch on the same side just slightly out of Frank's reach?
[00:31:39] Speaker B: Yeah, but here's the idea. Kind of like, I imagine it kind of like how, you know, how purses are made because. Or, I'm sorry, women's pants don't have pockets because they need to sell purses.
That's the reason why.
[00:31:54] Speaker A: Who's benefiting from this arrangement, though?
[00:31:57] Speaker B: What I'm thinking is they put the hot tub controller all the way on the far wall. So you got to buy one of those little grabby hand things, like the extendo arms.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: You think grab it and turn. It is involved.
[00:32:11] Speaker C: I was going to say it was probably because it was designed by a lion who likes to cook. People without their ability to turn it off.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: Cowardly pushes Alex into the hot.
[00:32:23] Speaker A: Oh, buy a girl a drink.
Wow.
[00:32:28] Speaker C: That's a nice, sensible temperature.
[00:32:31] Speaker A: Yeah, keep it lukewarm. That's my name, by the way. Luke lukewarm.
[00:32:39] Speaker C: That's great. Thank you. Nice to meet you.
What a fun gang of wacky characters. Why does this always happen to me when I'm not with Mike and Adam? They never believe me, and yet this always happens here. It's amazing.
[00:32:56] Speaker A: Pour some of that cat glitter into the hot tub to make me a bubble bath.
[00:33:02] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:33:03] Speaker C: Oh, shit. I needed that to charge my phone.
[00:33:05] Speaker B: That was for charging your phone. I don't have that much cat.
[00:33:10] Speaker C: A at least I have a bubble bath now.
[00:33:13] Speaker A: How does it feel, Alex?
[00:33:15] Speaker C: It's tickling every part of me.
[00:33:18] Speaker A: I don't like this. Deeper.
[00:33:21] Speaker B: The bubbles start to bubble over. And as the bubbles bubble over, we transition from the bubbling to.
[00:33:29] Speaker A: We go with one bubble through an open porthole. And then transition seamlessly.
[00:33:35] Speaker C: And then Larry comes back up screaming. There was a trampoline.
[00:33:40] Speaker A: Yes.
Body count? Zero. Mike, we did it.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: All right, we're good.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: All right, let's get out of this hot tub, because it got real cold real fast.
[00:33:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know why.
[00:33:51] Speaker A: Sir, what's the drinks package here for?
[00:33:57] Speaker C: The drinks package?
[00:33:59] Speaker A: Yeah, we're in the deluxe suite. They gave us these wristbands.
[00:34:05] Speaker C: The wristbands. Hey, everybody, we got a wristband. See? No one cares.
[00:34:13] Speaker B: I care.
[00:34:13] Speaker C: Except for that guy.
[00:34:14] Speaker B: I made the wristband.
[00:34:16] Speaker C: All right. Come here, you. Wristband.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: Wait, were we not supposed to get.
Are the wristbands bad or the wristbands control time?
[00:34:27] Speaker C: Come here. Not literally. Sit down.
[00:34:32] Speaker A: I'm sitting. I'll sit on the, what do you want? Lounger here. Can I put a towel down or do I have to sit on the Slats?
[00:34:39] Speaker C: No, you'll sit on the weird, uncomfortable slats.
[00:34:42] Speaker A: Yeah, plastic slats. Kind of squishy.
[00:34:45] Speaker C: So you tell me what you want, and I will tell you if it's included in your bracelet.
[00:34:52] Speaker A: Do you have those drinks that all of the old people were drinking in this episode of Everybody loves Raymond? It looked like some sort of frozen white with maybe a pineapple.
[00:35:05] Speaker C: Well, you're not going to believe this, sonny, but no.
[00:35:08] Speaker A: Okay. Do you have anything similar to that?
[00:35:11] Speaker C: You're not going to believe this, sunny, but no.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: Do you have red wine?
[00:35:17] Speaker C: Yes, but.
[00:35:19] Speaker A: Oh, well, close.
[00:35:20] Speaker C: Not included in your bracelet.
[00:35:23] Speaker A: Really?
[00:35:24] Speaker B: What is included?
[00:35:25] Speaker A: That's usually a pretty basic. Like a house wine. That's usually a pretty basic.
[00:35:30] Speaker C: Let me pull up your. Let's see, you have the purple bracelets.
[00:35:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:34] Speaker C: Here's the menu for purple bracelets. And he hands you a menu. It just says salt water.
[00:35:40] Speaker A: Wait, are these two items or one?
[00:35:42] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:35:44] Speaker A: Okay. Oh, yeah. It does say can combine.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: Can I have salt water? But can I have ice with it?
[00:35:52] Speaker C: Well, I like you guys.
[00:35:54] Speaker A: Yes. Okay. Bending the rules for us.
[00:35:58] Speaker B: He hands Mike a frozen glass of salt water.
[00:36:03] Speaker A: And can I just have water?
[00:36:06] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:36:06] Speaker A: Okay, thanks.
[00:36:07] Speaker C: Here, hang on. I just had to boil this salt water and catch the drips and then the sediment.
[00:36:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm still on this. I didn't know it was possible to freeze salt water.
[00:36:19] Speaker A: I didn't know that it wasn't, Mike.
[00:36:22] Speaker C: Trade secret.
Trade secret.
[00:36:24] Speaker B: Pretty sure it's not. Pretty sure that's, like, a thing. It's like it's very hard to freeze salt water.
[00:36:29] Speaker A: I just didn't know that we have.
[00:36:30] Speaker C: A very cold fridge.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Really?
[00:36:34] Speaker C: Yeah. See, we open up the fridge.
See?
[00:36:39] Speaker A: Oh, wow. It's right there.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Yeah.
[00:36:42] Speaker A: Why is the fridge out next to the pool loungers? That's a long extension cord. Where is it plugged in?
[00:36:49] Speaker C: The reason is I hurt my knee a few days ago, so I moved the fridge out here so I could do my job.
[00:36:56] Speaker A: Well, what happened? How'd you hurt your knee?
[00:37:00] Speaker C: Well, this one jackass wanted me to get him salt water, so I pretended to hurt my knee so I didn't have to. So he left to get his own salt water, and I did a happy little dance to celebrate the fact that I didn't have to get salt water. And then I accidentally took a hammer and smashed my kneecap in.
[00:37:23] Speaker B: You know what happened?
[00:37:24] Speaker A: That always the way.
[00:37:25] Speaker B: That's how it goes.
[00:37:26] Speaker A: Oh, that's why there's that crucifix sort of loosely dangling. Is that command stripped to the wall.
Did you miss while you were trying to hang up a crucifix? Man, if only the Romans had done that. Right, mike? Nudge, nudge. Oh, wow. Everyone got real. Matt.
Sorry.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: Here, you insult the Romans?
[00:37:47] Speaker C: Yeah, Jesus and stuff.
[00:37:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. There's that big mural on the side of the ship that says, R-O-A-M-I apostrophe. N. No, apostrophe. No, it's apostrophe. It's weird that it's Roman.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: Has just the roman logo on the side.
[00:38:08] Speaker A: Roman, exclamation point.
[00:38:12] Speaker B: Mr. Bartender. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. What's your name?
[00:38:14] Speaker C: Yeah, what's your name? My name is actually Noah, which is why I didn't want to work on the ship, because I thought it would be confusing. I wanted to work on one of its sister ships, either the Pinta or the Santa Maria.
[00:38:34] Speaker A: This cruise line is. At least they're diversified.
[00:38:41] Speaker B: Yeah, the Pinta and the Santa Maria.
I got to ask you, Noah here, you got a bum knee, and you also are terrible at service. I'd love to hear your take on the whole Frank and Robert situation.
[00:38:57] Speaker C: Funniest shit I'd ever seen. So get this right. This guy Frank, he doesn't want to spend time with his wife. Classic, right? I can relate.
[00:39:09] Speaker B: Do you have a wife?
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Not anymore. I hit her with a hammer because I didn't want to spend time with her.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: Wait. Anyway, look at Jean Sincere's. IMDb page. It says, no.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: This one I'm going to straight up no, but this one I don't think that's a good taste.
[00:39:29] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:39:29] Speaker C: Anyway, I hit her with a hammer and then she divorced me and then she died. So anyway, did you kill the hammer or. No, I didn't kill my wife.
[00:39:40] Speaker A: Say hammer.
Do you mean anything but an actual hammer?
Are we talking to a man who hit a woman with a hammer or.
[00:39:50] Speaker B: No, I think he's just a murderer. I think he's trying very not so subtly cover up that he's a murderer.
[00:39:55] Speaker A: No.
[00:39:56] Speaker C: So anyway, this guy Frank, right? He pretends to have an injury and then his wife leaves. And then he celebrates that he didn't actually have an injury and now his wife's gone. Then he hurts his knee for real. Classic. Then Frank has to wobble around and suffer as someone who is dependent on his son. And although Frank doesn't like to admit it, even though he is a very dependent person on Marie, I think he likes to have the facade of being independent. So relying on Robert might not have been fun for him. And also, Robert did not put up with his shit like Marie does.
[00:40:39] Speaker A: So it was fun to see Frank.
[00:40:41] Speaker C: Kind of get put in his. Know, it's nice to see when old men, who are usually dicks, get put in their place. And then some guy comes up and hits Noah with a.
[00:40:54] Speaker A: Hey, hey, everyone just let that happen. What the fuck?
[00:40:58] Speaker C: It's hammer time.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: That guy was dressed as a centurion, so maybe that's just where their politics lied. Jeez.
[00:41:06] Speaker C: Oh yeah, he was a candidate.
[00:41:09] Speaker A: The Centurion candidate.
Are you all right, Noah? He got you in the other knee.
[00:41:24] Speaker C: Noah is not responding.
[00:41:27] Speaker B: Noah's on the floor.
[00:41:28] Speaker A: Did he kill him with a blow to the knee?
Oh, that brings up another question. And we'll figure this out in a second. Frank, while he's doing his celebration, he is listing off things that he's glad Marie isn't saying to him anymore, one of which is Frank, that's no place for a Q tip. Where anus, you think?
[00:41:50] Speaker C: I thought.
[00:41:55] Speaker A: And whoa, Noah, if you're still with us, for anyone who doesn't know what.
[00:42:00] Speaker B: Sounding is, okay, the kitties that are listening to this podcast turn off right now.
[00:42:10] Speaker A: Go ahead, Noah, are you still with us?
[00:42:13] Speaker C: Oh, do I have to explain it?
[00:42:16] Speaker A: Well, you brought it up.
[00:42:19] Speaker B: You did just get resurrected just to talk about sounding. You were dead a second ago.
[00:42:24] Speaker A: Wait a second.
He did just get resurrected, didn't he, Mike?
Jesus.
[00:42:32] Speaker B: Jesus.
[00:42:34] Speaker C: Is he among us?
[00:42:37] Speaker A: Maybe. Let's keep an eye on this guy. Okay, so go ahead. Explain what sounding is.
[00:42:47] Speaker C: Well, anyway, so what that, hang on, I'm bleeding. Let's see. Oh, no, that's just wine. I thought I was cut, but no, it's just wine.
[00:42:56] Speaker A: You said you didn't have wine.
[00:42:58] Speaker C: I said you couldn't have wine.
[00:43:01] Speaker B: Okay, there is a difference. Yeah, that is true.
[00:43:05] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:05] Speaker A: Thought I caught you in a lie.
[00:43:07] Speaker C: Oh my God. Piece of my finger fell off. Oh, wait, no, that's just bread.
[00:43:12] Speaker A: Whoa. I don't know, Mike. He still hasn't explained what sounding is.
[00:43:17] Speaker B: But I think, I think this guy's just a whack job piece of shit. I don't really think that he's anything special here, to be honest.
[00:43:25] Speaker A: So far he's been resurrected. That jug that he said was wine that used to have salt water.
[00:43:30] Speaker B: So, so far.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: And his finger just turned into bread.
[00:43:33] Speaker B: Here's what we know. This man served me a block of saltwater ice. He then admitted to murdering his wife with a hammer.
Someone came out of nowhere, beat him over the head with a hammer. He pretended to be dead. He came back to excitedly explain what sounding was, which he still has not done, and also is now eating his own body parts, yelling, yum. That's good. I think this guy just might be a whack.
[00:44:01] Speaker A: Did he yell, yum, that's good. I think he's yum. That's good.
[00:44:05] Speaker B: There we go. Come on. I don't know if this guy is the Jesus figure on this trip. I think he might just be insane.
[00:44:12] Speaker A: What are the other things?
Process of elimination. If he doesn't do the other things, then he's obviously not Jesus. Like anyone can get three out of 15 miracles or whatever.
[00:44:25] Speaker B: Well, I was going to say he needs to do some healing stuff.
[00:44:28] Speaker A: Okay, like what?
[00:44:30] Speaker B: I don't know. He needs to rise someone from the dead. He needs to cure leprosy, but not himself.
[00:44:36] Speaker C: At that moment, Larry comes back up over the edge of the boat.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Whoa.
[00:44:41] Speaker C: That was crazy.
[00:44:43] Speaker B: Whoa, hold a. All right, well, that doesn't necessarily have anything to do. Listen, until I put my hand through this man's wounds, I won't believe that's all I'm going to say.
[00:44:54] Speaker A: Is that one of them, that's a.
[00:44:57] Speaker B: Line from the Bible. It's probably something there.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: Is it like in a cartoon if you get shot and there's a literal hole that goes through your stomach and you can reach through? Is that what that's in reference to?
[00:45:09] Speaker B: I don't know. I just kind of want Noah to be dead. I don't really want him to be Noah right now. If I'm 100%.
[00:45:15] Speaker A: Look at me.
Please explain what sounding is to our listeners.
[00:45:21] Speaker C: Wait a minute.
If I'm actually him.
[00:45:25] Speaker B: You're not.
[00:45:25] Speaker C: That means I can walk on water.
[00:45:27] Speaker B: You're not.
[00:45:28] Speaker A: Wait.
[00:45:29] Speaker C: He jumps off the side of the boat and he lands on the ocean like it's concrete.
[00:45:34] Speaker A: Broke his legs. Oh, shit.
[00:45:36] Speaker B: He does not move at all.
[00:45:39] Speaker C: And he does not sink.
[00:45:40] Speaker A: He crumples, but he doesn't sink.
[00:45:42] Speaker B: The boat moves past.
[00:45:44] Speaker A: Yeah, the boat moves past him.
The boat moves past him, but the camera stays on him. And then does that transition where it zooms out.
[00:45:53] Speaker B: And as it zooms out, we see one guy on the phone being like, yeah, mom, they got the wristbands. I'm going to get a picture later.
[00:46:02] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that guy.
[00:46:03] Speaker B: Yeah, that guy.
[00:46:04] Speaker A: All right. And then we go back below deck.
[00:46:08] Speaker C: Well, it looks like we are now just about close to the emerald painted part of this place. Now we just have to go through this last kind of creepy looking place. Mr. Lee and Mr.
Warm.
[00:46:26] Speaker B: Guys. Listen, Alex, I'm glad you're here, but I'm going to be honest. It would be much easier if you helped me carry the hot tub like this.
[00:46:36] Speaker C: Talking about, if I'm going to carry the hot tub, then who's going to carry me? I like our current system where I'm in the hot tub and you're carrying the hot tub.
[00:46:45] Speaker B: I really didn't pay for any of this. I just gave her to eat children.
[00:46:49] Speaker C: Well, look, man, you could either be afraid or you could be a child eating murderer, but you can't be both.
[00:46:56] Speaker B: I could definitely be both. I could do it really easily, actually. Really?
[00:46:59] Speaker C: Because you've been on this podcast for, what, an hour, and you have not eaten a single children?
[00:47:06] Speaker B: I kind of already had lunch. If you give me it a couple of hours, I'll be hungry again. I'll go back for seconds.
[00:47:11] Speaker C: No, if it's not on screen. Didn't happen.
[00:47:13] Speaker A: Cruise man. You can eat as much as you want. I mean, look at Ray in this episode.
[00:47:20] Speaker C: Oh, my goodness.
He gained a bit of a gut. I really liked that. How kind of Ray was just kind of going for the food again. I think it sucked. Just kind of how he really actively tried not to have a good time with his mom and then was almost a little blown away when his mom had fun without him. Almost like he was relying on her coming to him. And when she did not push it. I don't know if he knew what to do.
[00:47:46] Speaker A: He was really eating his feelings, I think, because he didn't want to be there. But also, yeah, you're right. He didn't want to participate in any of the many, many activities.
[00:47:57] Speaker C: Yeah. There's so much to do on this ship, and Ray's just eaten. I mean, look, it's your vacation. You do what you want. But he definitely did seem happy about it. Typical miserable asshole kind of guy.
[00:48:11] Speaker A: I mean, we saw him eating all sorts of things. And I know he mentioned the waffle bar, ice cream. We saw him with an eclair. We saw him with a rib.
[00:48:21] Speaker C: Clams.
[00:48:22] Speaker A: Clams.
[00:48:23] Speaker B: Shots of clams.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: Shots of clams.
They had a nice variety for what is apparently or at least a discount package on this cruise that he got.
[00:48:34] Speaker B: Yeah, I thought it was pretty impressive. I will agree with that. I'm not arguing that at all. He had the ribs. They looked delicious. He had a lot of different things. Yeah. Then he never stopped eating. I did like the line that during the conflict scene in the room when Marie said, stop eating, and Ray was like, that's the first time you've ever told me to do that. I thought that was a great line.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: That was a great line.
I like that scene with the confrontation between.
Oh, hold on, guys. We're at a fork in the ship.
[00:49:08] Speaker C: Yeah, there's one way and another way. What do we do?
What was that?
Oh, look. And like, a little bird perches onto the hot tub.
[00:49:23] Speaker B: Why?
[00:49:25] Speaker C: It's a bird. It could be a raven. It's some kind of blackbird. And it seems frightened. Guys, this is a scared crow.
[00:49:33] Speaker B: The lion reaches out. No.
Grabs the bird.
[00:49:37] Speaker A: The gents of the hot tub gently push the bird out of harm's way.
[00:49:42] Speaker B: Hey, you told me I could just eat. It's a buffet.
[00:49:46] Speaker A: All creatures great and small, man.
[00:49:49] Speaker C: Yeah, don't hurt the scared crow.
[00:49:51] Speaker B: I'm not a vegetable. You guys are ruining my trip right now. I wanted solitude. You eat children.
[00:49:57] Speaker C: This is a bird. Scared crow. Which way do we go, left or right?
[00:50:02] Speaker B: The bird speaks. The lion starts screaming and flutters off into the right.
[00:50:07] Speaker C: All right, we're going right.
[00:50:09] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:50:09] Speaker C: Scared crow.
[00:50:10] Speaker B: All right, I'm going for it. Lee starts sprinting after the bird.
[00:50:14] Speaker C: All right, thank you, Leo.
[00:50:15] Speaker B: What about me?
The hot tub is tied to the neck of. There's a leash around the cowardly lion, so he's still spilling all over the place. And it's like, destroying the boat underneath.
[00:50:28] Speaker C: But he's going, just another day for this guy.
[00:50:34] Speaker A: Alex hops in the hot tub, sort of chariot style, grabs the rope. He's being pulled by the lion, and they go. The crow leads them through an archway, and they enter the children's arena.
They enter the children's arena, where there are a bunch of children and centurions in the stand.
[00:50:57] Speaker B: Warring fans. You can see the bookie at the top giving out tickets and bets on the different children and how long they're going to last.
[00:51:06] Speaker C: This must be the emerald dungeon.
[00:51:10] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, and it's green.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our next challenge. It looks like our challenger has come in from the wings. You there.
Yes, you. I'm pointing directly at you. What is your name?
[00:51:30] Speaker B: Oh, no, not that guy.
[00:51:33] Speaker C: Alex. I was trying to be funny, but I'm a mayor, and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, but here we are.
[00:51:41] Speaker A: Okay, so we've got a meat man right here, goes by the name of Alex, and I think. Let's start. What do we think, folks? We'll do the thumbs up, thumbs down thing. Classic coliseum. Do we want to do fight a child lion? Should we just do a race? You guys think we should just do a race? Chariot race, classic style, or.
[00:52:00] Speaker B: I'd rather eat.
[00:52:01] Speaker C: What about a dialogue battle between a certain subject involving today's episode of you.
[00:52:07] Speaker A: Want to have a debate? You came running, bursting in here on a chariot, and you want to have a debate in the middle of the children's arena?
[00:52:16] Speaker C: Sir, back in the ancient times, there was an ancient battle known as Judge Deborah, and I think now's the time to bring it back.
[00:52:25] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:52:26] Speaker B: Deborah wasn't even in this episode.
[00:52:28] Speaker A: Well, Alex takes out from his interior pocket cassette tape with the judge Deborah theme song. Okay, and play.
[00:52:38] Speaker C: Alex stands and salutes while it plays.
[00:52:41] Speaker A: I guess I'll just read this. So this is Judge Debra. We're going to take two oppositional hypotheticals, I guess, and argue opposing sides of this. Okay. All right, so we've got. The scene is set. Do we have a challenger? Any challengers want to emerge from the audience to participate in this?
[00:53:04] Speaker B: Who are they challenging? Are they challenging Alex or challenging Alex? I'll do eat the. I want to eat the bird. So if I beat the guy in the debate, do I get to eat the bird?
[00:53:15] Speaker A: Fine.
I mean, someone's got to die.
[00:53:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:53:19] Speaker A: And by the way, I know I'm behind the curtain right now. I'm just going to stay back here. There's, like, tech stuff that I have, so just don't pay any attention to the curtain? Just pretend it's not even there.
[00:53:33] Speaker C: You got it, dude.
[00:53:34] Speaker A: So let's go ahead and debate.
What do you want to debate, man? I know I shouldn't ask you because you're.
[00:53:42] Speaker B: Yeah, wait, he doesn't get to pick. What the hell?
[00:53:44] Speaker A: All right, let me.
[00:53:45] Speaker B: I thought you were the judge, Debra.
[00:53:47] Speaker A: Ok, I guess, I mean, the simplest version of this is a would you rather. Right. Would you rather be with Marie on the cruise or with Ray on the cruise? Be with Marie and Ray on the cruise or be taking care of Frank with Robert? I like that lion. I'm going to have you argue for.
[00:54:10] Speaker B: Losing argument.
[00:54:12] Speaker A: Well, you got to spin it. You got to argue. This is law. And, Alex, I'm going to have you argue for the cruise. And you got to argue which one is better. So let's do opening remarks. We'll do 30 seconds for opening remarks, and we'll start with the lion.
[00:54:30] Speaker B: All right, ladies and gentlemen of the battle arena, I present to you a loyal case of a son taking care of his father. Fatherly bonding time. And all things considered, a good time had by all, just boys being boys. Until Frank fucked it up and hurt his knee again. But it's a boys being boys time. On the opposing side, we have an elderly fest of disease, of rampant and wanton heresy and hedonism and bad son and mother relationships. And incest. Might I bring up. They brought up incest many times.
[00:55:15] Speaker A: That's time.
[00:55:16] Speaker B: Okay, I have other points.
[00:55:19] Speaker A: Alex, it's your turn to argue or to open your case for Marie and Ray on the cruise. 30 seconds starting now.
[00:55:29] Speaker C: So, yes, of course, there's a lot of incest humor, not actual incest, but here's the idea, right? If you're with Ray and Marie, that incest humor turns into polyamorous incest humor, which is indiscriminately funnier.
[00:55:47] Speaker A: This is a novel legal strategy.
[00:55:52] Speaker C: Cruises are very fun and enjoyable to be in. You pay an absorbent amount of money up front.
[00:55:58] Speaker A: So you the rest of that sentence from the record. You pay an exorbitant amount of money, and you have polyamorous incest.
Strong opening.
[00:56:10] Speaker B: I don't know how you lost that argument, honestly, Alex.
Mr. Lee, you're in trouble, man. Lead with just the topics alone. I feel like I'm in the lead here. All right.
[00:56:21] Speaker A: Okay, so I guess cross examination now. We'll do 30 seconds each, lion.
[00:56:27] Speaker B: So do I have to ask questions?
[00:56:29] Speaker A: Yeah, you ask a question or two to your opponent.
[00:56:33] Speaker B: Okay. I would like to ask the opponent could you elaborate on the benefits of polyamorous incest on this cruise?
[00:56:41] Speaker C: It's not a benefit.
It's funny. It's a joke. Your cruise director laughs at thinks you're having a polyamorous incestual thing, when in reality you're just on vacation with your family. That's funny.
[00:56:58] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't really think to me, your mom is particularly funny.
[00:57:01] Speaker C: Well, that's just my clarification.
[00:57:04] Speaker B: Incest is bad time.
[00:57:07] Speaker C: It is.
[00:57:07] Speaker A: All right. Glad we got that sorted. Alex, it's time for your cross examination. Why interrogate why Robert and Frank is the better situation.
[00:57:19] Speaker C: Mr. Lee, might I ask why on earth would you possibly consider working with the two men alone in a house instead of going on a cruise ship around the world boys club.
[00:57:36] Speaker B: You get it. It's a great night. You get full control of the tv. You don't have anybody nagging you. You get to order pizza, you get to order beer, you get to have wigs. You get to just exist with your boys.
[00:57:48] Speaker C: You get to just be a nurse for a little bit. For an old man who doesn't, yeah.
[00:57:53] Speaker B: I will say that that kind of sucked, but I will say I don't think Robert.
[00:57:57] Speaker A: Wow. He missed the opportunity to object to him saying it was a cruise around the world and not a weekend cruise to Bermuda. Interesting.
[00:58:06] Speaker B: That's an international cruise. That counts. That's a little something. All right.
[00:58:10] Speaker A: Around the world has a pretty good song, by the way. Has a pretty clear definition. The world is round and you go all the way around it.
[00:58:22] Speaker C: Mike's not going to be happy about that.
[00:58:24] Speaker A: Hey, you didn't bring it up. All right, time for closing arguments. We'll start with the lion.
[00:58:31] Speaker B: I started the last.
[00:58:35] Speaker A: All right, Alex, you start.
[00:58:38] Speaker C: Well, I'm happy to end because at the end, going to Bermuda and around the world in a cruise ship is an enjoyable time. And even though you're going with family member who the cruise director thinks you are actually in a relationship with, it is nice to be able to spend some time alone with your mom or any other family member on a cruise ship. It's a unique setting where you're able to really just kind of forget the woes of outside life, and it's a completely new environment and experience that you don't really get to enjoy every now and again. Exhibit a. Whoever thought we'd do an episode on a cruise ship and it would take place mostly in an emerald battle arena?
[00:59:20] Speaker A: Are you recording this?
[00:59:21] Speaker C: Didn't we? No.
[00:59:23] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:59:26] Speaker C: That'S it.
[00:59:27] Speaker A: All right, because I know we're in international waters, so shit gets pretty crazy out here.
[00:59:35] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:59:35] Speaker A: I'm just saying, if you're recording it, we're going to be pissed at you. And regardless of the outcome of this, we are going to form an angry mob and kill you.
[00:59:44] Speaker C: Alex quietly tucks in his microphone a little bit.
[00:59:48] Speaker B: It's still very clearly sticking out the top. I don't know.
[00:59:52] Speaker C: I have a huge pack on my back that says recording.
[00:59:57] Speaker B: It's not even like a clip on. He just has a boom mic under his shirt.
[01:00:02] Speaker A: Okay, closing arguments, Mr. Lion.
[01:00:05] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:00:06] Speaker C: All right.
[01:00:06] Speaker B: All I want to say is this. I don't fully believe that Ray had a great time on this cruise, but what is better? A couple days of know, kind know, dicking around and being a guy and just doing nothing or taking care of your father, fulfilling your duty as a son, fulfilling your family responsibilities? That was set out before you. Like I said, it's a fun time. You get to eat pizza. You get to drink beer. And also, you know what they did not do in Robert and Frank? They didn't cheat on their wives. And I cannot say that about Marie. Marie and Walter, definitely.
I cannot stand for this indecency. I cannot stand for the sin, for the infidelity. I think Chris is our bullshit time.
[01:01:04] Speaker A: Wow. If ever was a time to object. Wow. Okay.
All right. So I guess what do we do now? We throw it to the jury.
[01:01:15] Speaker B: There's a jury in ancient Rome?
[01:01:17] Speaker C: No, the jury.
[01:01:19] Speaker A: Jury. Yes, the jury.
Which, of course, is a jury of twelve men named Ray.
And I guess I'll let you guys deliberate.
Jury chambers are going to be under the stands in front of the snack bar. So why don't you guys go do that?
We'll just stay here. And again, nobody make a big deal about the curtain, okay?
I know people were thinking, make a.
[01:01:55] Speaker B: Big deal about the curtain.
[01:01:56] Speaker A: Let's just not talk about it.
Maybe he's recording back. I know a lot of you have been wondering. Whispering.
[01:02:04] Speaker B: All right, truce. So we can find out if he's recording.
[01:02:06] Speaker A: Is the curtain just a towel?
[01:02:08] Speaker C: I was going to win anyway.
[01:02:09] Speaker B: Okay, I know you're not going to win. Okay, you know what? No truce. But I want to see if he's recording. Hey.
[01:02:15] Speaker C: Okay, let's pull the curtain.
[01:02:16] Speaker A: Get down from.
[01:02:19] Speaker C: Oh, my God. You.
[01:02:22] Speaker A: That's right. It's me.
[01:02:24] Speaker C: Oh, I can't believe it.
[01:02:26] Speaker A: Hiram Caston.
I played Ted, the social director, in this episode of Everybody loves Raymond, almost 25 years ago today.
[01:02:39] Speaker C: Why did you do it?
Wait, but seriously, why?
[01:02:43] Speaker A: Why did I start a christian cruise line that goes out into international waters to pit children against lions?
Well, it was 2022, and the residuals finally dried up for this episode. And look, sure, I was on men of a certain age with Ray Romano, like, 15 years ago, and sure, I was in the candlelight murders, and I did not know that. And 7th heaven and my wife and kids. I was in all of these things, the David Cassidy story.
But it all comes to an end at a certain point for Hiram Caston. And I'm an older man. I was born October 30, 1932. Sorry, 1952. So what do old people do? We go on cruises and pit children against. Well, yeah, that just sort of evolved sort of naturally over time.
[01:03:48] Speaker B: So I'm confused as to why you hid your identity well behind a curtain.
[01:03:53] Speaker A: The first voyage we took, people weren't taking me seriously because they recognized me from this episode, and they were like, hey, she's just my mother. Right? And I was like, ha. The first couple of times. But then it got to the point where I couldn't even steer the boat anymore.
Oh, shit.
You guys stay right here. I'll be right back. Just wait for the jury to come out, okay? I'll be right back. Don't touch anything. Like, nobody moved to either side of the boat. I'll be right back. He sprints out.
[01:04:26] Speaker C: I think we're going to keep shopping for different cruises. I don't know if this is the one for limited.
[01:04:32] Speaker B: I agree. You want to eat the six year old? Me?
[01:04:37] Speaker C: Sure. No, of course not.
All right, he's recording. And then I run away.
[01:04:44] Speaker B: What?
[01:04:45] Speaker A: We cut to the jury chambers for me, Debra. I mean, those ribs look pretty good. What did you guys think?
[01:04:56] Speaker C: Oh, yummy. I love ribs.
[01:04:58] Speaker B: I love ribs. I love the eggs.
[01:05:01] Speaker A: I think.
Hold on.
You could argue that maybe Ray. I mean, in this episode, Ray suggested that Marie take Lee on the cruise. I know Marie has other friends too, so she could have done that, even though Stan's cousin, the diabetic, is visiting from Arizona. I'm from Arizona, by the way.
[01:05:25] Speaker B: Arizona?
[01:05:26] Speaker A: Yeah. My name is Alan.
[01:05:33] Speaker C: That's my name. Alan Razon a zona.
[01:05:36] Speaker A: Your name is Ray.
[01:05:39] Speaker C: Ray.
[01:05:39] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Well, I go by Ray.
[01:05:41] Speaker C: Oh, so do I.
[01:05:43] Speaker B: My name is Kermit.
[01:05:46] Speaker A: Are you guys going to Skeet shooting later?
I'm a skeet too.
[01:05:53] Speaker B: Who's shooting?
[01:05:54] Speaker C: I don't know.
[01:05:56] Speaker A: I guess we'll find out.
[01:05:57] Speaker B: I also got to say I've never been on a cruise ship before, but I can't imagine Skeet shooting is a good activity. You throw things off the.
[01:06:05] Speaker A: On the activities list.
[01:06:08] Speaker C: Yeah, you're me.
[01:06:09] Speaker B: I like skeet shooting, but I don't know, man, that seems insane.
[01:06:13] Speaker A: It's pretty crazy to guys. Before we figure out this jury thing, you guys want to get around this piano and sing I can't say no. From the Rogers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma.
[01:06:28] Speaker B: Actually.
[01:06:29] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. You have big thoughts on I can't say no?
[01:06:35] Speaker B: Let's get into that. My name is Ray. I can't have many big thoughts, but.
[01:06:40] Speaker A: Isn'T that always the way it goes?
[01:06:43] Speaker B: It's a great show. It's a great song. Actually has some weird lyrics to it. But it's about a sexual awakening, which is weird that know. Weird that Marie would sing a song about sexual awakenings in the middle of a cruise with her son. But, you know, who am I to.
[01:06:57] Speaker A: Judge with five Mary.
[01:06:59] Speaker C: Kind of the running theme of the show, right? Or this episode. At least that's the joke.
[01:07:04] Speaker A: It's sort of Marie's sexual awakening in a way. I mean, not sexual necessarily, but just like coming out of really blossoming.
[01:07:13] Speaker B: Maybe the lion was right. Maybe she did fuck Walter.
[01:07:16] Speaker A: I think she fucked Walter, by the way.
He's here, by the way. Jack Betts.
[01:07:23] Speaker C: Let's ask him if he fucked.
[01:07:25] Speaker B: Go. Let's go find.
[01:07:27] Speaker A: Go render. I mean, we're all in agreement that we would all. Cruise wins. Judge Deborah, just to wrap that, all right?
[01:07:35] Speaker C: Sure.
[01:07:36] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:07:37] Speaker A: All right, we'll tell him. What were you going to say?
[01:07:41] Speaker B: I was going to say, do we have a possibility for a hung jury?
[01:07:45] Speaker A: Well, let's find out. Let's take our belts off. I mean, they're too tight anyway, right?
Zip.
[01:07:54] Speaker C: Oh, not hung.
[01:07:55] Speaker A: Oh, well.
Missed.
[01:07:59] Speaker B: I guess the cruise.
[01:08:01] Speaker C: Let's go find that guy. Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray.
[01:08:08] Speaker A: We do a classic sweet life on deck transition.
You go through a porthole, right?
And we go into the bridge of the ship where the captain is. I don't know, Mike. This cruise is maybe not the one for us.
[01:08:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm starting to get that sense.
[01:08:32] Speaker A: And maybe also cruising as a whole. I mean, it just doesn't seem like the lifestyle we want people in Limbrook to have.
[01:08:41] Speaker B: I'm kind of regretting making everybody dig the trench for the cruise ship to get from Jones beach all the way to here. Yeah, I'm kind of regretting that spend of money.
[01:08:50] Speaker A: I honestly thought we were closer to the water when I suggested that. I thought it was going to take like 10 minutes.
[01:08:56] Speaker B: No, that was a month long process. Right there.
[01:08:58] Speaker A: Yeah. How many people did we lose, by the way?
[01:09:01] Speaker B: 43 and a half.
[01:09:03] Speaker A: Okay, 43 and a half. Oh, yeah, because we got the one guy.
[01:09:08] Speaker B: Yeah. That was missing his legs.
[01:09:11] Speaker A: Yeah. And most of those were fall ins, right?
[01:09:15] Speaker B: Yeah. One guy got buried, but only so much you can do on that one.
[01:09:19] Speaker A: That's hard to get buried where they're digging something out.
[01:09:22] Speaker B: Yeah, but the excavator dropped it, and then they just left the pile there.
[01:09:26] Speaker C: Plastic.
[01:09:27] Speaker A: Well, that happened to me when the piano distributor came into town. But it'll be like people can ride their jet skis through there. And it's not a loss. I mean, we don't have to fill it back in.
[01:09:42] Speaker B: True. Yeah.
[01:09:45] Speaker A: We finished the cul de sac at the end where people can turn around, right?
[01:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah. That was a nice touch. That was a nice touch. Several people lost their home, but it was a nice touch.
[01:09:54] Speaker A: We did finish it, though, right, Mike? Because, I mean, I'm looking out of the thing here. The window, the windshield of the cruise ship.
[01:10:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:10:05] Speaker A: I'm still seeing the indoor skydiving place is still there. I thought we eminent domained that.
[01:10:13] Speaker B: I thought we did. Oh, my God. Is that Alex?
[01:10:16] Speaker C: Guys.
Hey, where's the captain?
[01:10:20] Speaker A: Alex.
[01:10:21] Speaker B: What?
[01:10:21] Speaker A: I can't hear him. He's down there on the. What do you call that? The Lido deck?
[01:10:26] Speaker B: The poop deck?
[01:10:27] Speaker C: Ah. They can't hear me. I have to use my power of charades.
[01:10:31] Speaker A: Oh, good. Okay.
Is he working out?
[01:10:35] Speaker B: No. Three words.
[01:10:36] Speaker C: Sorry, is the capitan four words? Five words? Is. Where's the captain? Five words.
[01:10:44] Speaker A: He's not doing. I know we always agreed that we would do charades if we couldn't communicate with each other. He's really just waving his arms.
[01:10:52] Speaker B: He's saying five words. Five words.
[01:10:54] Speaker C: Where's. Where the captain. Five words.
[01:10:58] Speaker B: Captain. I'm confused, because that's four words. I don't know what the fifth word is. We got. Where is the captain? I don't know where the.
[01:11:06] Speaker C: Where's one word? The captain.
[01:11:10] Speaker A: Three total.
[01:11:11] Speaker B: That's three words. We're missing two. I don't think we're getting the whole.
[01:11:15] Speaker C: Captain, five words.
[01:11:17] Speaker B: That's not five words.
[01:11:20] Speaker C: The captain. Five words.
That's five words.
[01:11:28] Speaker B: I'm just going to break.
[01:11:30] Speaker A: Wait, Mike, look down here on the sign in sheet. That's his name. Captain, five words. Oh, where is captain five words? We don't know. We don't know.
[01:11:43] Speaker C: What a coincidence. Okay, well, no one's steering the ship, right?
[01:11:47] Speaker A: Oh, is someone supposed to be standing behind this?
Guys. Hey, yes, it's me. It's Hiram casting from the episode. Yes, I know.
Has one of you been steering. Anyone been steering up here?
[01:12:03] Speaker B: I don't know.
[01:12:04] Speaker A: Mike, have you been here? Oh, God. The last time this happened, I got so fired.
[01:12:11] Speaker C: All right. I climbed up the drain pipe or whatever. I'm in the captain's quarters now. Oh, hey, it's the wizard.
[01:12:17] Speaker A: Oh, you must have won. Well, you must have won.
[01:12:21] Speaker C: Yeah, I won.
[01:12:23] Speaker A: Oh, great.
[01:12:24] Speaker C: Guys, I lost the microphone. By the way, we go through the.
[01:12:28] Speaker B: Evidence and there seems to be some commotion on the deck. And you see the juray lift lifting a man over their head and throwing him overboard.
[01:12:45] Speaker C: We should get those guys on the show.
[01:12:47] Speaker B: You should get those guys on the show.
[01:12:49] Speaker C: They've been out of work ever since we discontinued Judge Deborah. Oh, by the way, I did a judge Deborah. Guys, it was a crazy whole thing. It was awesome.
Yeah.
[01:12:58] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:12:58] Speaker C: I think actually didn't stick around for the voting results.
[01:13:01] Speaker B: Yeah, typically the other guy does a better job. I think the other guy might have made.
[01:13:05] Speaker A: I don't know. I think the other guy always lost Judge Deborah every single time that we've done it.
[01:13:11] Speaker C: No, I think he won one time. It was like a pity win, maybe.
[01:13:15] Speaker A: As we're talking down on the deck, the jury is still picking people up and throwing them off the side. And also furniture, big lounges.
They come across Larry looking.
[01:13:34] Speaker B: No, don't look out. No.
[01:13:36] Speaker C: One of the jury picks up the top half of a woman's lingerie.
Debra.
[01:13:46] Speaker B: I think.
[01:13:46] Speaker C: No, don't get me wrong, that one's a little weird.
[01:13:49] Speaker B: I speak jury. I think what they're trying to say is they desperately want to know if Walter and Marie fucked. And there's no way for them to find out. So in their rage, they're throwing people over.
[01:14:00] Speaker C: I don't think we got the man right here.
[01:14:02] Speaker A: Jack Betts is here. It says on the manifest Jack Betts is the co captain.
[01:14:09] Speaker B: Jack, do you think.
[01:14:11] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:14:12] Speaker B: That Marie and Walter banged on the.
[01:14:17] Speaker A: You know, I like to come up with a backstory for all my characters.
And let's just say that things got a little nimble at bridge, if you know what I'm saying.
[01:14:30] Speaker B: Ooh, nimble mind. Ayo.
[01:14:32] Speaker A: It reminds me of what it was like on the set of Mardi Gras spring break where I played one half of an elderly couple. By the way, Mardi Gras. I don't know if you noticed, the ship that we're on is actually the same ship from the establishing shot that was in the episode of Everybody loves Raymond that I was on of the carnival Mardi Gras cruise ship. Which means, by the way, that the establishing shot must have been taken before 1993 when the Mardi Gras was purchased by a different cruise line and renamed.
[01:15:11] Speaker B: Thank you. We really just wanted to know about Walter and Marie. But thank you.
[01:15:16] Speaker A: No.
In my backstory, for the character that I wrote, we definitely banged. And let's just say, you know how in the montage Ray was at every activity watching and eating something?
[01:15:33] Speaker C: Oh no.
[01:15:35] Speaker A: In my backstory.
[01:15:36] Speaker B: No.
[01:15:37] Speaker C: No way. No, please stop.
[01:15:39] Speaker B: No, don't do this.
[01:15:41] Speaker A: He wasn't.
[01:15:42] Speaker B: Oh, okay, good. He was very. I was going to say, I almost found out what sounding was today and I don't want. Let me tell you about it.
[01:15:49] Speaker C: So what, you know, no one should tell Mike what that is.
[01:15:53] Speaker A: As Mike cuts him off, though, jure breaks through the front of the bridge and grabs Jack Betts, who played Walter, I don't know if we ever said that.
And throws him overboard.
[01:16:06] Speaker B: Debra.
And they all cheer.
[01:16:09] Speaker A: Mike, we are never going to find out what sounding is.
[01:16:13] Speaker B: It's okay.
[01:16:14] Speaker C: And that's okay because you're not supposed to be here to learn.
[01:16:18] Speaker B: Well, I think that we should just park the boat and get off. I think that our cruise has come to a conclusion.
[01:16:23] Speaker C: Yeah, here, the prindle is right here. Just pee. There we go.
[01:16:27] Speaker B: Everything.
It comes to a halt. Everybody lurches forward and starts to fall overboard.
[01:16:33] Speaker A: It comes to a halt. And just the short stop, you're going to inevitably start to twist.
And so, as we were proceeding down the canal, the boat centrifugal force starts twisting and completely blocks it.
[01:16:57] Speaker C: That's not something we have to worry about or talk about ever again. Why don't we do the barone mater?
[01:17:02] Speaker A: Why does this always happen?
[01:17:04] Speaker C: Oh, by the way, guys, I can't believe I'm on this cruise with you. How crazy.
[01:17:07] Speaker A: Oh yeah. When did you even get here?
[01:17:09] Speaker B: Yeah, what the hell?
[01:17:10] Speaker C: Long story. It was the whole wizard of Oz thing again. Only this time I brought my recording devices so the people will hear it as well, Alex. Which will be.
[01:17:18] Speaker A: It was Narnia last week it's Oz this week. You're always. Next week it's Harry Potter you're doing. Alex, you've been getting into the cat litter again. Haven't been in it.
[01:17:31] Speaker C: Had a g on it when you were.
[01:17:33] Speaker A: Yeah, because it's friskies. We can't afford friskies.
[01:17:38] Speaker C: Why is it so shiny and pink? It's crystal yellow.
[01:17:42] Speaker A: It's the kind that tells you if there's something wrong with your cat.
Yes.
[01:17:49] Speaker C: Well, it charges your phone like no tomorrow.
[01:17:52] Speaker A: I'm sure it does. And I'm sure that's a metaphor. But listen, we got to get off this thing.
[01:17:58] Speaker B: Let's get off this boat. We got to get off this rock.
[01:18:01] Speaker A: Coast Guard is coming fast. Let's get into the lifeboats.
Oh, man. These are long line. Lot of children. I guess we did. Did we buy the fast pass? Is that on our. Let's show these guys our wristbands. Purple wristband.
[01:18:16] Speaker B: Purple, purple wristband.
[01:18:18] Speaker C: Come on in.
[01:18:19] Speaker B: Sorry, kids like the wristband.
[01:18:22] Speaker C: I don't have a wristband.
[01:18:23] Speaker A: Guys, he's with us. Is that fine?
[01:18:25] Speaker C: No, you guys go. You guys go. I'll catch up. I have a purple wristband.
Oh, hey, guys. It's me, Larry. Mr. Lookout. Yeah, Larry Lookout. That was my name.
[01:18:38] Speaker A: Oh, hi.
[01:18:39] Speaker B: You got thrown overboard just a second ago. You all right?
[01:18:43] Speaker C: Bounced back.
[01:18:43] Speaker A: Trampoline.
[01:18:44] Speaker C: You won't believe how many trampolines are on the side of this cruise line.
[01:18:48] Speaker B: That's probably a good thing.
[01:18:48] Speaker A: That was the big selling point for this.
All right, so this lifeboat takes three. Three top. Why don't we get in here? Sorry, kids. Women.
And let's just hit release. And we splash. And we're fine.
Hey, Larry, since it's going to take us a while to float back to Limbrook, do you want to do our patented barometer with us?
[01:19:16] Speaker C: Yeah. Okay.
[01:19:17] Speaker A: But first, is there anything about season three, episode 17, that you wanted to say that you didn't? Can I just quickly, the list. The merry widows. You know, life is a cabaret. B. C. Carlson, Lee Rose, Jean Sincere, Edry Warner and Bobby Norman, who played Thelma. I don't know if she's one of the merry widows or if she's a different character entirely. She's credited as Thelma, though. That's the only thing.
[01:19:43] Speaker B: I just wanted to comment on the hot clothes. We didn't get to talk too much about that.
[01:19:46] Speaker A: Go ahead.
[01:19:47] Speaker B: Hot clothes was funny. First time we've ever seen Frank be genuinely happy to see Marie. I kind of like that.
[01:19:53] Speaker C: I loved that a lot.
[01:19:54] Speaker A: Poor Chichi.
[01:19:56] Speaker C: I also really liked Ray's outfit in the end. Very fun.
I did enjoy the talk between Ray and Marie at the end. I think we've been getting a lot of episodes where we've kind of had some more serious talks at the end. So it's nice that this one was nice and quick and didn't really dull on it a little bit. It was a nice break from everything. It was more just about the comedy in this one, and I appreciated that break.
[01:20:21] Speaker B: I agree.
[01:20:22] Speaker A: I liked that we got the detail that Ray was once very good at the foxtrot.
[01:20:26] Speaker B: Yeah, that's.
[01:20:28] Speaker A: And, like, I don't know if any combination of any of us have talked about the running gag of Ted thinking that Ray and Marie are a couple.
[01:20:38] Speaker B: That's a great bit.
[01:20:39] Speaker A: The running bit of him walking by and being all for it.
[01:20:46] Speaker B: He's a guy.
[01:20:47] Speaker C: We love him being progressive, but also like Ray. Close the goddamn door.
[01:20:52] Speaker B: I got to say, ted might be a little bit of a creep.
[01:20:55] Speaker A: I think he's just around so much because it's well documented that retirement homes have crazy transmission rates of chlamydia. Like older people. When you get to the end, the later years of your life, and maybe you aren't married anymore and you don't have kids, slowing you down, there's a reason they call it good old sex.
[01:21:24] Speaker C: Why the heck not? Emma, right?
[01:21:26] Speaker A: Exactly. So I'm sure he sees this sort of thing all the time. I liked when Ted notices that Ray has been handed lotion to put on another older woman, and he's like, yeah, there you go.
But, yeah, just so funny. And then when Marie and Ray are dancing, walking by, giving him the thumbs up. That was a great last beat for that 100%. Here's a question, just to. Quickly, before we do the barometer, do we think Robert's treatment of frank rises to the level of elder abuse or injured him with the hot tub?
[01:22:10] Speaker B: No, but I do remember thinking that was dangerous because, you know, fragile heart conditions and all the rest.
[01:22:16] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. And just literal burns. Like, you saw. That dial didn't even have any numbers on it. Yeah, it just went from less hot top and more hot.
All right. That's the last thing I had. If we don't have anything else, we can turn our attention to the classic barometer, which is our scale from one to ten, on which we rate race performance as a husband, brother, son, father, cruising partner, Fox Trotter, with ten being the great dads of sitcom history. Your uncle Phil's Danny Tanner, Carl Winslow's Larry. Do you have another example?
[01:22:53] Speaker C: Another example is me. I'm a good dad.
[01:22:56] Speaker A: You're a dad? How many?
[01:22:59] Speaker C: How many what?
[01:22:59] Speaker A: How many children?
[01:23:01] Speaker C: Oh, the children. Yeah. I love those little guys.
[01:23:05] Speaker A: As I asked that question, the scared crow flies in through the porthole of the lifeboat.
[01:23:13] Speaker C: Yeah, there are two kids still on the cruise ship going, daddy.
[01:23:18] Speaker A: Okay, so, all right, you're a good dad. I love it. That's great.
A ten.
You feel you're a ten?
[01:23:25] Speaker B: That's a pretty bold statement. I just want to say I'm feeling confident today.
[01:23:30] Speaker A: Okay.
That's great. Pump yourself up. And one being the bad men of television history, men who actively armed their families. Walter White. Don Draper. Mike.
[01:23:43] Speaker B: I'm going to say Rick Grimes.
[01:23:47] Speaker A: Rick.
[01:23:48] Speaker B: Because walking dead, that's a controversial take because he starts out really good, but in the end he puts his son in a lot of really bad situations and killing zombies and stuff like that. He kind of turns into a nutcase. I'm going to stand by Rick Grimes being a one. Late season, late show. Rick Grimes is probably a not great guy.
[01:24:08] Speaker A: And he had a baby with Elon Musk. Right? That's the one stupid joke.
Okay, I'll take it. I've never seen the show and I never will.
They can keep making as many spinoffs of that as they want.
[01:24:27] Speaker B: They're on like a spin off of a spin off of a spinoff. At this point. I can't believe there are so many people watching it.
[01:24:32] Speaker A: I never will. I'm just not interested.
Okay. So let's go around and give our ratings. Mike, we'll start with you. How do you think Ray did on this episode?
[01:24:45] Speaker B: I'm going to be honest with you. Not great.
I don't blame him for resisting at first, going on the thing with his mom, and I understand why he would want to dodge that, but he's just kind of an ass when he gets on the cruise, he's making jokes about hanging himself to his mom.
It's not covering it up at all. He's a bit of. A. Bit of a shithead. Honestly, I don't know. He turns it around. He actually doesn't really turn it around that much at the end because he's hesitant to go dancing.
I mean, on the one hand, he's not like, physically hurting anybody or doing something super selfish. He's just kind of a mopey asshole. I'm going to give him a three and a half.
[01:25:28] Speaker A: Wow.
[01:25:28] Speaker B: Give him a three and a half.
[01:25:30] Speaker A: Okay. How about you for me? I'm sort of in the same neighborhood. Because on the one hand, he really doesn't hold Marie back from having her fun so much. Not actively, anyway, except for when she crosses paths with him, and then he's a total downer and then doesn't. He never gets into the spirit of things, really.
Even though you're going to be there for a whole weekend, you may as well.
And just generally being rude to everyone.
Also, he got his parents a discount cruise package for that.
[01:26:12] Speaker B: Didn't really bother me that much.
[01:26:14] Speaker A: I don't know.
[01:26:14] Speaker B: You're sending them on a cruise. Save a little money while you do it.
[01:26:18] Speaker C: Marie loved it.
[01:26:19] Speaker A: That's true.
[01:26:20] Speaker C: Marie said this was the first gift that he got her. That actually was good.
[01:26:24] Speaker A: I will say he did get her twin beds, though. A cabin with twin beds.
[01:26:30] Speaker B: It's a good point.
[01:26:31] Speaker C: So I think that just shows how Ray views his parents.
[01:26:34] Speaker A: I'm going to take half a point off for it, though, because if he views his parents as they have no sex life, then that's not fair to Marie and Frank because we know they fuck. So I'm going to give him a 4.5 because again, he didn't do too much actively to harsh Marie's mellow. But he also didn't do anything that would tilt him into the upper half of the scale. So, Larry, that's how we do this. I wonder how you feel Ray did in this episode.
[01:27:13] Speaker C: Well, I'm glad to see we're all in the same boat here in a literal sense, not a metaphor, because I completely disagree with you.
[01:27:23] Speaker A: Freeze frame. Credits roll. Sorry, go ahead.
We do a sweet life transition after Larry says that, that just brings us back to the same spot.
[01:27:34] Speaker B: Here I am in your life.
[01:27:35] Speaker C: I'm going to give him a nine.
[01:27:37] Speaker A: A nine?
A nine is high.
[01:27:41] Speaker C: Yes. Well, here's the reason. You come on board with your mother as opposed to just not having her go at all. So that's a nice thing to do.
He gets to spend some quality time with her. And when he kind of feels like that she's doing fine on her own, he kind of like lets her be it. He doesn't really bother her.
He's just a little more relaxed about it. He seems to just enjoy the cruise. And who doesn't love good quality jokes about getting shot?
Just like he just wants to die. And I respect that. I think it's funny.
[01:28:17] Speaker B: You okay there? You okay, Larry?
[01:28:20] Speaker C: No, Larry, I'm not.
[01:28:23] Speaker A: What's wrong?
You want to unpack it?
[01:28:27] Speaker C: I couldn't save the bagel, guys.
[01:28:30] Speaker A: Oh, the one that you chased over the side of the boat? It didn't land on a trampoline.
[01:28:34] Speaker B: Yeah, that checks out.
[01:28:35] Speaker C: It's soggy.
[01:28:36] Speaker A: Oh, no. Well, luckily where we're going, I think Limbrook. Mike, correct me if I'm wrong, has the most bagel stores per capita in the world.
[01:28:47] Speaker B: It does.
We have three bagel stores per person.
[01:28:51] Speaker A: The Bagel district, and this is unusual for a neighborhood actually encircles another district.
[01:28:59] Speaker B: Yeah, it's the bagel district. And then the inside is the Munchkin District. It's great.
[01:29:03] Speaker A: Which we should change.
We should change.
[01:29:07] Speaker C: I love that.
[01:29:07] Speaker A: That guy hung himself in the back of that.
[01:29:10] Speaker B: Oh, God. Yeah, that's right. I forgot about.
[01:29:13] Speaker C: Well, I can't wait to see it.
Thanks for sharing your lifeboat with me, guys.
[01:29:19] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Well, that will put Ray at a 5.7 for this episode, which, I'll be honest, feels a little high. I'll take it.
[01:29:27] Speaker A: It sounds right to. So you're sorry. Your argument, Larry, was that Ray went on the boat with Marie and that was pretty much it.
[01:29:37] Speaker C: He was on the boat and then he was off the boat and he seemed like he had a good time in the had.
[01:29:44] Speaker A: I did. I do think he, at least at the gift shop, had a good time.
[01:29:49] Speaker C: Look, Ray and Marie both went on the boat and then they both had a good time.
[01:29:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. Nine, nine. All right, one more thing.
That's great. I wanted to call out the line you told me you slipped on a massage table in Tokyo. Oh, that's replied nevertheless.
Pretty funny. Sorry, that is a funny line. Missed that. Okay, so yeah, I guess that's it for us. By the way, Larry, I don't know if we mentioned this is a podcast. We just need you to sign this release and then we'll edit around all the crazy stuff. It'll just be seamless, you sharing your thoughts, and everyone will really love it.
[01:30:35] Speaker C: All right, here you go, Larry. The lobster lookout. There you.
[01:30:41] Speaker B: Oh, ok. We don't have time to get into that.
[01:30:43] Speaker A: Nobody puts their nicknames on these. This is great. All right, well, I guess then we should just remind people that you can follow us on instagram and threads at barone zone and you can find us on Facebook at baroneszone.
You can email us at
[email protected] and you can find the Baronuszonus at slash donate where we are currently doing our mini series. I guess you would call it about the middle. We're doing Ray and Doris Roberts appearances on the middle in November and December of 2023, which is where we are now.
And we're having a blast doing it. That and much more is on the Barone bonus waiting for you. It's a pay what you want lifetime access system. It's not a subscription. It's great.
But other than that, I don't think there's anything. Oh, look through the porthole. Someone's waving outside of that lifeboat over there.
[01:31:51] Speaker B: Oh, it's Alex.
[01:31:52] Speaker A: He's.
[01:31:53] Speaker B: Alex is here.
[01:31:55] Speaker A: Is he doing charades again?
[01:31:57] Speaker C: Hey, doing a funny dance, guy.
[01:31:59] Speaker A: He's doing a funny dance.
[01:32:00] Speaker C: Funny dance.
[01:32:01] Speaker B: What is it you want to say?
[01:32:04] Speaker C: Five words.
[01:32:05] Speaker A: Five words.
[01:32:07] Speaker C: Everybody love Raymond and we love you.
[01:32:15] Speaker B: That's six words.
[01:32:16] Speaker C: Five, seven.
