Show Notes
As the Barone Boys give each other feedback, a jury of their peers renders a verdict in the case of Season 3, Episode 8 of Everybody Loves Raymond, "The Article."
[email protected] / BarONUS zONUS / Instagram / Facebook / Threads
View Full Transcript
Episode Transcript
[00:00:20] Speaker A: Red pen. You got the red pen?
[00:00:23] Speaker B: Yeah, I got oh, wait, no, this one's green. Sorry, hold on.
[00:00:27] Speaker A: That sends the wrong message.
[00:00:29] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I know.
I made my notes in red sharpie because I figured that way they'll be bold.
[00:00:36] Speaker A: Okay, so you need the black pen then, for contrast.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Thank you.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: Got it. Okay. And legal pad.
Okay.
That doesn't look like legal to me. That looks like a four.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Yeah, they were out of legal stuff.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: So I just picked up staples was out of legal.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Yeah, there's the lawyer convention happening.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:01:01] Speaker B: Limbrook center.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: Lala Palooza.
[00:01:06] Speaker B: Lala Palooza. Yeah, exactly.
They got Sotomoyor as the guest speaker, so yeah, it's a pretty big they.
[00:01:13] Speaker A: Got Sotomayor on the main stage and they got Kavanaugh over on the side stage presented by Stella Artois. That's going to be a fucking blast.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: Yeah, but as a result, they were as legal we should we call him in?
[00:01:28] Speaker A: Should we call no, the mayor.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: The mayor?
[00:01:33] Speaker A: Because we love Kavanaugh.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: No, I'm aware.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Listen, Kavanaugh signed my legal pad. Unfortunately, I ripped it off and threw it away because I needed to do a new page.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: He bought me a beer.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: When I said that the stage is presented by Stella Artois. I forgot that he likes beer. But that is one of the main.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: Things about that's one of his main personality traits.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: What an asshole. Okay, yeah, we can let him in. Let's just try to be as imposing as possible behind the desk. And alex, get in here. Enter.
[00:02:09] Speaker C: Is it true? Is Kavanaugh here?
[00:02:12] Speaker A: No, not yet. Not yet.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: He's on the side stage at seven.
[00:02:15] Speaker C: Okay, then I don't need this baseball bat.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: You're going to have him start his baseball bat?
[00:02:21] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:02:22] Speaker B: He was a fan of baseball, I think.
[00:02:23] Speaker C: What's all this? I was about to go in for a performance review. Are we doing that together?
[00:02:28] Speaker B: Yeah, we need you to sit down and actually we've started recording so you can actually oh, sweet.
[00:02:36] Speaker C: 1212 dildo wagons. Test, one, two.
Anyway.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:45] Speaker C: Welcome back to Elelr, everyone. My name is Alex Shearer. I'm the mayor of Limbrook, New York, and I am curious as hell what sorry son of a bitch is going to get fired today.
Who are we reviewing, guys?
[00:02:57] Speaker B: We're actually reviewing you. Hi, I'mike G.
This is my co counsel, Adam Rudy. And we are here as the impeachment team, actually, of the village of Limbrook.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: We are the performance reviewers and therefore likely are going to be managing an impeachment. I shouldn't say likely, possibly going to be managing an impeachment. It's just part of the process. We have been appointed, and it's a responsibility that we take very seriously.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: In the past, we have worked with you.
We served at the pleasure of the mayor. But since you signed off on these new jobs here, we got to serve these subpoenas and stuff pretty well.
[00:03:42] Speaker C: What the hell, guys?
[00:03:43] Speaker A: More late terms.
[00:03:46] Speaker C: Why are you doing this? Is this about the Barone zone?
[00:03:51] Speaker B: No, it's not about the Barone zone.
[00:03:52] Speaker C: Is this about the recreational vehicle?
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Not that, either.
[00:03:55] Speaker A: All of this stuff was outside of your performance as the mayor.
[00:03:59] Speaker C: Is this about the snakes mostly?
[00:04:02] Speaker B: Well, partially about the snakes.
[00:04:04] Speaker A: Less about snakes and more how they ended up in the spaghetti.
[00:04:09] Speaker B: Yeah, and, I mean, we do have several lawsuits from patrons of that Italian.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Restaurant down the street. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's called you call this a more?
[00:04:23] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: Not to be confused with the aquarium pet store that's down the street. That is a statement. You call this a more? It's more of a command.
[00:04:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:36] Speaker C: Well, you know what?
[00:04:37] Speaker B: We do have two people that complained about poison venomous bites and one person that's upset because she ate one and is a vegan and did not realize that the spaghetti would be animal products. So we have three ongoing lawsuits there alone. But that's actually not even the beginning of our issues here today.
[00:04:54] Speaker C: I heard one of them was radioactive and bitter girl and now we got a snake woman.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: Yeah, we got snake. Well, we hired Snake Woman. I don't know if you saw her when you came in, but we've got her behind the desk out there as the receptionist.
[00:05:07] Speaker C: Cool. I didn't notice. I guess I only saw her top half.
[00:05:10] Speaker B: Anyway, she's fantastic. Especially because as soon as she answers the phone, the people calling to complain are terrified of the hissing noise coming out the other side.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, after they realize there's nothing wrong with their phone, but no, Sandra's been great. I really like having her. She's definitely going to stick around.
[00:05:30] Speaker C: I like her. We'll probably see her nonstop. Well, since we got to do this, look, we need an episode by tomorrow, so we got a double book here this week.
[00:05:41] Speaker A: We're also going to mike, get the what? Get the pens ready. This is part of it. This is part of your duties as the mayor, so we're ready to review. We are going to be reviewing your performance.
[00:05:53] Speaker C: All right, hang on, then. I'll ham it up a little bit.
[00:05:57] Speaker B: Go big or go home.
[00:06:00] Speaker C: This week is season three, episode eight, the article Guardian of the Key to the Mint. Ray Barone tries to help his friend Andy write an article he's writing. But when Andy gets published in Sports Illustrated without taking Ray's advice, he becomes a salty Sally. There's a lot to talk about here and there's a lot to dissect. I think this is very interesting episode for Raymond. I have a lot to say about him. I'm sure you guys do as well. It's going to be an interesting episode. I hope you stick with it through all this bullshit that we're about to go through.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: Okay, so two notes here. Number one, you misspelled the word dissect.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: One s. Yeah. In your spoken intro you misspelled the word dissect. Yeah, I'm going to have to dock you for that. I don't know, Mike. I'm feeling like a three out of five. I did find it compelling how he went into that.
[00:06:50] Speaker C: I didn't even write down the word.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: That was alliteration. That was alliteration?
[00:06:54] Speaker A: Yeah, that was good. That was good. But room to improve, so satisfactory?
[00:06:59] Speaker B: Yeah, satisfactory.
[00:07:00] Speaker C: Okay, well, I've made it this far in life with that grade, so guess.
[00:07:05] Speaker B: Fair enough. Fair enough. Okay, so listen, even though we're looking for impeachment, you were the one that started this commission. You wanted to do better.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: We were friends 20 minutes ago, I was making you guys some spaghetti and you guys asked for extra marinara sauce and I went to go get it. And now we're all dealing with like you guys are suddenly into peaches now?
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Yes, well, ever since we got that timeshare in Georgia together last weekend, we're peach crazy.
[00:07:41] Speaker C: Yummy. Well, I don't approve, but since when do I get what I want?
[00:07:46] Speaker B: Well, actually, that's part of the issue. We've noticed that you get what you want actually quite frequently.
First of all, we did notice a $35,000 charge here to install a sauna in your primary work office.
Yeah.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: Even though that actually it's a sauna. It's for the new receptionist got you. Apparently she gets really dry skin very easily.
[00:08:10] Speaker A: And that's something that we wanted to talk to you about as well, is we've gotten some not complaints from the other people around the office, just questions about what the propriety of your relationship with Sandra is.
[00:08:27] Speaker C: I met her like three days ago.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: Okay. And you're already buying her a sauna?
Just dotting I's and crossing T's and you missed one there. Cross that.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: Sorry, sorry. Yeah, I got it, got it.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: Gotcha that. Says impeachmental.
We just want to know how's it going. With what? With Sandra.
[00:08:50] Speaker C: She's doing okay, I think. She got a tour of the building yesterday and started working officially this morning.
No one's called yet, which is awesome. Or rather, no calls have been passed on to me, which is what I prefer.
Keeps my schedule wide open to make spaghetti.
[00:09:10] Speaker A: But you purchased her Asana, I guess is the thing that we're kind of glossing.
[00:09:14] Speaker C: To be fair.
It was kind of so that we didn't get sued. Because, again, to go back to the main point of her character, she was bit by a snake.
[00:09:25] Speaker A: Yes. She's embraced it, though.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: But still.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: She's wearing snake skin purse. Yeah, she's carrying a snakeskin purse.
[00:09:33] Speaker A: Some Hannibal extra. Shit.
[00:09:35] Speaker C: That's some cannibal shit.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: It's a little messed up, actually, but I feel like we're getting off target here. I just think that if you're going to buy a $35,000 sauna, taking it from the budget to subsidize the homeless shelter, probably not a great move as a mayor.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: Sorry, Mike. It was to be fair to him, it was earmarked for the homeless sauna.
[00:09:59] Speaker B: So yeah, that's on us.
That's another thing. You got to stop using autocorrect when you're passing these bills.
[00:10:08] Speaker C: The Sauna is public domain. Literally any town citizen can come in and use it as long as they have their limbrook ID.
And that's true with everything in town hall.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: And that's another thing.
[00:10:21] Speaker C: It's always been sorry.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: Come on in. Please enter.
[00:10:25] Speaker B: How you doing?
[00:10:25] Speaker A: Hi.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Hey, I'm old, man Billy.
[00:10:28] Speaker C: Thank you for introducing yourself, old Man Billy.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I know.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: You Mayor Alex. Thank you very much, by the way, for the Sauna. Really appreciate it. Don't often get to leave the house in just a towel and nothing else, but, hey, it's pretty solid, old Man Billy.
[00:10:45] Speaker C: Say thank you, old man. Billy. I want to just one thing.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Yeah?
[00:10:49] Speaker C: You forgot the.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Guys. Sorry. I'm just floating in the wind over here. What's the matter with me? Sorry, bud.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: It's okay. Just take what's drooping down there and just sling it around yourself a little bit. No one can tell the difference.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: Yeah, no problem. No problem.
[00:11:06] Speaker D: All right.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: Sauna's through.
Should I honestly shouldn't have let yeah.
[00:11:12] Speaker C: Why'd you open the door?
[00:11:13] Speaker A: Sandra was doing her we're in the middle of something here.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: Oh, yeah? Anything I could help?
[00:11:19] Speaker A: No, I guess actually, yes, if you want to have a seat. Sure.
[00:11:24] Speaker C: We just washed those seats.
[00:11:25] Speaker A: Well, he hasn't gone in the sauna yet. It's a windy day out, so he's pretty dry now. I didn't say you were clean. I said you're dry, so, I mean, it'll be fine.
What's your general overall I guess you could help us with this. What is your general overall perception of how the mayor is doing his job?
[00:11:46] Speaker B: Oh, I mean, hey, he's got me a sauna, got me an opportunity to get away from my wife.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: A okay. Fun, right? Yeah.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: That gets a bigger laugh, but that's okay.
[00:11:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Sorry.
[00:11:59] Speaker C: New audience, new age.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: Yeah, we kind of don't like the my wife kind of humor. Too easy, and people don't like us because of that fact, so I understand.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: You know what? I don't really like either my wife.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Okay. It's kind of getting to me.
[00:12:22] Speaker B: All right.
[00:12:23] Speaker A: It is kind of funny.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: There we go.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: Hey, have you seen Borah? Oh, my God.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: What's a borah. Is that one of those fancy movies?
[00:12:32] Speaker A: Oh, you're going to love it.
[00:12:33] Speaker C: We were going to take a break episode, and now we're just falling even further. Just old man Bill. Was that your name?
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Billy. I go by old Man Bill is my father. I'm old man Billy.
[00:12:46] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: And what's your son's name again? I think I played ball with yeah, yeah.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: That's young man, william.
[00:12:52] Speaker C: Oh, wow.
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Interesting. I thought he would have crossed over by now, but maybe he's a late bloomer.
[00:12:59] Speaker B: Generally, if you're not a double ARP.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: Men member, you're not old man double ARP.
[00:13:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:09] Speaker A: I thought you meant, like, you were two times over in a quadruple AARP.
[00:13:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: Quadruple a RP.
[00:13:18] Speaker C: What did you think of the episode?
[00:13:20] Speaker B: Oh, the episode. You know what? I loved it. I thought it was a great episode. I thought it was very funny. I thought know, I really felt Ray got a bad rap this episode. I think that he started out doing very good. I think that people really jumped on the bandwagon to really tear them down.
But I guess a self conscious self analysis is never a bad thing.
My old therapist used to tell me that, but I'm always here for it.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: Okay, Mike, what did you think of the episode?
[00:13:59] Speaker B: Sorry. Hey, I was really trying you've been.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: Transfixed by old man Bill.
[00:14:05] Speaker D: Hey, you owe me money.
[00:14:08] Speaker B: Hey. Sorry, Billy.
Let's deal with that.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: Wait, old man Billy? You work at Staples, right?
[00:14:16] Speaker B: You know it. This guy did you know legal pads right before Boy La Palooza?
[00:14:21] Speaker C: You want them back? They're right.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: Kind of we do need those. We're going to be taking a lot of maybe we can work something out.
How about we give you a little extra time in the sauna? How does that sound?
[00:14:36] Speaker B: Sauna time is good for me. You know what I mean? I'm here for it, baby.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: You know what? We'll throw in a free towel, too.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: No need.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: Okay.
All right. I tried. Mike, what did you think of the episode?
[00:14:49] Speaker B: I thought I actually agree with Billy, actually, quite a lot.
[00:14:51] Speaker A: No way.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: I think that Ray deserved a lot of the self centered thing, but I think the first little incident in which he made Andy cry because he was reviewing his article, which, first of all, hilarious choice for Andy as a character.
But if you want to be a writer, the only thing writing is, is, yes, you write words on a paper, but the first draft is never any good. Doesn't matter if you're a newbie or if you're know Stephen King. You gotta rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. The fact that Andy took it so hard that he got a little repetitive sometime, that's entirely on him. Ray didn't deserve any crap for that. And then later on, Ray kind of took a turn for the worst. But I'm focused on the initial part here. I think that Ray was 100% in the right. I think that Deborah got on Ray's case a little bit too much about making Andy cry. Because, again, if you want to be a writer, you got to listen to why your writing sucks, because writing is the art of rewriting.
[00:15:58] Speaker C: Let me interject here, because I don't entirely agree with you.
[00:16:02] Speaker A: This is good. This is good.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: You lost my vote in a reelection.
[00:16:06] Speaker C: Just for the record, Billy, I can remove your sauna privileges like that.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: Billy, you immediately did a 180 on Mike completely forgave him for stealing the entire stock of your Staples and are now fully defending his opinion on this episode. Listen to the hilt.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: Broken clock twice a day. You know what I mean? I mean, hey, the guy gave me more sauna time.
[00:16:28] Speaker A: I did want to talk to you about that because the road guys have been complaining that you've been smashing clocks in the road twice a day. So can you not do that? You've popped so many tires.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: I don't understand why they're all set to new times. Eventually there will be the correct it's.
[00:16:46] Speaker A: Less the functioning of the clock that's the issue. And more the fact that you are lifting over your head a crate full of clocks and smashing them down in the middle of Sunrise Highway.
[00:16:56] Speaker B: The doc says I need resistance training. I don't know.
[00:16:59] Speaker A: The dog says you need resistance. Are you like a Son of Sam kind of guy?
[00:17:03] Speaker B: No, I'm not a Son of Sam.
[00:17:04] Speaker D: No.
[00:17:05] Speaker A: You're a son of Bill.
[00:17:06] Speaker D: I'm a son of Bill. We made that very clear.
[00:17:08] Speaker C: Sorry, cut to the middle of the late. Oh, wait. No, I'm not.
[00:17:14] Speaker A: Oh, wait. Yes, I am.
[00:17:15] Speaker C: Oh, wait. No, I'm not.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: Oh, wait.
[00:17:17] Speaker C: Yes, I am. Oh, actually, I'm right on time.
[00:17:20] Speaker A: Alex. Go ahead. You disagree with old man Bill and Mike? And Mike old man Billy, who are different people.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: My name is old man Billy.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Old Man Bill. I would rather keep it formal. Go ahead, Alex.
[00:17:35] Speaker C: Firstly, I completely agree with you both on the initial part of your statement about Ray talking to Andy. I think Andy needs a bigger skin for this if he's going to grow as a creative, because you have to be able to take criticism if you want to be good.
However, right where I start to disagree with you is right when he gets home to Deborah, because I think what she's initially trying to say to him about how he's always kind of focused on himself is not even that his story. It's how he proceeds to act around her. When Deborah tells him that he is only interested in talking about his issues and that he's not listening to what she has to say, he then responds by saying, okay. So anyway, then he continues talking about his shit, and I think that's what she's really getting at. And that's kind of where the crutch of the episode comes on. And then, of course, the Andy shit starts to take over because that kind of feeds into what everyone else was saying and it kind of snowballs into focusing on Ray being a really self centered person, which is definitely a character trait of his and definitely has been not necessarily something the show is focused on, but definitely something that is very obvious if you think about it, considering I don't know the name of the show.
[00:18:56] Speaker B: Well, I will say that I was mostly focused on her analysis of the Andy situation. I wasn't really talking about his way of talking to her, but I generally agree that all right.
[00:19:07] Speaker C: So nicer with the backpedaling because you see that I made a good point.
[00:19:11] Speaker A: I don't see that you're wrong pedaling at all.
[00:19:14] Speaker B: I think I said about I don't think about any hey, tell stick it to her. Stick it to him. That's it.
You tell him, Mike.
I hate this.
[00:19:25] Speaker C: Two V two Mentality. Old man Billy, go jump in the sauna.
[00:19:30] Speaker A: I like that old man.
[00:19:31] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:19:32] Speaker A: Old man Billy came in here to agree with Mike and tell Mike that he's a great guy. That's so unusual that someone would just come in off the street and do that.
[00:19:41] Speaker B: Well, what are you doing?
[00:19:41] Speaker C: I don't think that's ever happened ever.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: Guy that has never said anything wrong in his life. I love him.
[00:19:47] Speaker D: He's great.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: He's cool.
[00:19:48] Speaker D: He's cool. He's awesome.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: Anyway, I'm going to go meet Bret.
[00:19:52] Speaker C: In the all right, have fun. Say hi for me.
[00:19:55] Speaker A: Fuck is Bret.
[00:20:00] Speaker C: Sandra. Please hold any and all other zany and wacky characters in the.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Don'T sound effect.
[00:20:10] Speaker C: I don't think she's there.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: I don't know. She's slithering around somewhere. My opinion, not that Bill cared to hear about it, is that I think you're both right to an extent. I mean, Andy definitely writing is rewriting, needs to be able to take notes and he needs to accept that people will give him notes and either take them or not. I think it's fine that he ended up not taking Ray's notes if that's the product he wanted to put forward.
But I think it's all reflective. Ray's attitude towards Andy and then the way that he's communicating to Deborah is all reflective of his self centeredness. He only cares about how it affects oh, I have to read Andy's article and give him notes and watch him cry. Not I see Andy trying to write an article. Let me help him. And then just steamrolling over Deborah talking about what sounds like a traumatic trip to the dentist.
The line is that Ray says it's much harder to watch the person in pain than to be in pain. And then Deborah's response you said that to me when I was in like I think that is the sort of energy that Ray is bringing in this episode which is very complete self centeredness. It is very funny.
[00:21:30] Speaker B: That was a good line. I'm with you on that one.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: This was good. This was a good little reflection I'm going to give. What do you think, Mike? Four out of five? Yeah, that's pretty I mean exceeds expectations.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: Exceeds expectations, for sure. I don't like how he contradicted me, though. So that's stopping a point. Of course.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: Getting a little petty here. Maybe I'll go 4.5 to make up for that.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: Three and a half.
[00:21:54] Speaker C: Wait, so is this scale one out of 1010 being the best mares in sitcom history and one being the worst mayors in sitcom history, or is this.
[00:22:05] Speaker A: It is one out of ten.
We've got obviously ten being Mr. Mayor Ted danson, and then one being the mayor, that sitcom from, I don't know, two or three years ago that I think had one season or it has five seasons. I was not paying attention to it, but I can't think of any other sitcom mayor.
[00:22:26] Speaker B: There's the one. Can you guys powerpuff Girls.
[00:22:29] Speaker A: Oh, the mayor of Kingstown, too.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: Yeah, the one that was clearly had the mistress of the headless woman.
[00:22:38] Speaker C: Yeah, I liked her.
[00:22:40] Speaker B: So can I just ask, we have seen the taxes of the people of Limbrook skyrocket since you've taken off.
[00:22:48] Speaker C: This is my own money, and skyrocket is a strong word. It is doubled. Sure. But Limbrook taxes were the lowest in the country before I took office. Now they are just now they're in.
[00:22:58] Speaker A: The top five lowest top five taxes in the country.
Forbes just put out their list.
[00:23:05] Speaker C: Yeah. Number three surprised me.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: I was shocked by number three. Could you believe what number two looked like now? I couldn't believe it.
[00:23:13] Speaker B: I can't.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: But that one weird trick that got that one tax into number one. I'm going to use that. I know. Doctors don't want me to know about it.
[00:23:21] Speaker C: Yeah, they hate that.
[00:23:24] Speaker A: They hate it. Well, Dr. Palooza, which is counter programmed with lollapalooza across the street, I don't know if this is something that we want to necessarily do again, is, like, double book two professional conventions across from each other. That's a bad idea.
[00:23:41] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: I mean, they've got Phil Oz house. House. They got house. Good, good. Oh, yeah, the good the good do Little.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: Doolittle. Yeah, they got doolittle.
[00:23:55] Speaker A: Doolittle. They got Murphy and downey Jr. The two do little. They're doing a show, like a review called The Two Do Little.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: Oh, for a second, I thought that Downey got a doctorate, and I was a little surprised.
[00:24:08] Speaker A: Dr downey, Jr. Dr downey Jr. Yeah.
[00:24:12] Speaker C: Anyway, I feel like what's next?
[00:24:14] Speaker A: Okay, no, that was a good reflection. Let's move on to the next. So the other thing that figured prominently in this episode was sports. I mean, we saw an establishing shot of Shay Stadium. So that was was that Shay Stadium? I should have I don't think it.
[00:24:31] Speaker B: Was Stadium the second time. I'm pretty sure was. I don't think it was MetLife, but I think it was the Giants Stadium. I'm not sure if it was before or after they moved to MetLife. I forget when they did that, but, yeah, I'm pretty sure that it was football. I don't really think it was because I would recognize Shay from the outside. It wasn't Shay.
[00:24:53] Speaker A: And what does Yankee Stadium look like from the outside? Does it say Yankee Stadium on the side of it? Is it obvious?
[00:25:00] Speaker B: It's pretty obvious. It's got, like, white pillars and stuff like that. I don't think it was Yankees either, but let me see. I could be wrong.
[00:25:05] Speaker D: I could be wrong.
[00:25:06] Speaker A: So does Grease Mike. That's not a distinguishing factor.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: Well, I mean, they made it look.
[00:25:12] Speaker C: Like town hall has pillars on the outside of it. You think this was the Yankee Stadium?
[00:25:16] Speaker A: Town hall has pillars on top of it. The birds are pissed.
[00:25:20] Speaker C: Yeah. And they're shit ting on the pillars.
[00:25:24] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:25:24] Speaker C: I'm tired.
[00:25:26] Speaker B: I am pretty sure I'm not 100% sure, but I am pretty sure that that was Giant Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey that we saw.
[00:25:36] Speaker A: Okay, but haven't they used that interior?
[00:25:41] Speaker B: They've used the interior for Shay Stadium. Yes, but I'm telling you that the outside I'm, like 85% sure that that was Giant Stadium.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: I believe it. That's an interesting so either we are led to believe that every stadium has a room that is laid out exactly like that, or that's a continuity that's interesting.
[00:26:06] Speaker B: Yeah, that's true.
[00:26:07] Speaker C: Or we're misremembering or I miss.
[00:26:10] Speaker B: No, just because Shay Stadium on the outside had such a distinct had distinct blue and there wasn't really a lot of blue in that shot. I really don't think it was Shay Stadium.
[00:26:21] Speaker A: Okay. I think we discovered a little goof.
[00:26:24] Speaker B: Well, that wasn't the only little goof. Should we tell them what we found out about Todd ergos, I don't know.
[00:26:28] Speaker A: If you'd call it a goof, but it is an interesting let's let's start going through the episode a little bit like the old see, I want to see how Alex can do, like, recall any funny jokes if he has any hot takes. I think this will really when we turn in this report to the Inspector General, who is also us wearing the same suit. Like two heads in the same suit. Yeah.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: Two kids in a trench coat style.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: Yeah. But horizontal. Yeah.
We wear one hat.
[00:26:59] Speaker B: We just look really massive.
[00:27:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:01] Speaker C: I actually do have a favorite joke in this episode. I don't even know if it's a joke. It's more like just one line that I thought was really funny to me just because the part that was meant to be funny didn't really get me. The setup to the joke to the line was just, like, so quick and so just like it made me do, like, a double take because it really made me confused for a SEC. It's just such a funny thing to say. So it was Frank talking to Ray when he was asking if he was self centered. And Frank says the second half of the line was, but you've always been a pig for attention. Which that got the laugh. But the first part of the line, he just goes, look, I love you like a son.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: I didn't even notice.
[00:27:53] Speaker C: Which funny, like, such a fucked thing to say to your son. So it's like, I love you like a son, but you've always been a pig for attention. It's like, whoa, that's your son.
[00:28:06] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that was funny. I love you like a son. As if. But I feel like that's even a lot for frank to say, like, affection.
[00:28:14] Speaker C: Yeah, he loves him.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: That was a good anecdote. Right, Mike? I think he had a really good I think so.
[00:28:18] Speaker B: I think so.
[00:28:18] Speaker A: I wanted to talk about Marie and Frank in the Is. Frank is reading a newspaper or attempting to.
I love the conflict between Marie and Frank, where Frank just announces that he's shaving his head today.
What prompts that is? He, like, running his hand through his little bit of remaining.
[00:28:49] Speaker B: He rips the top of his hair. And I got to be honest with you, if I ever get to the point where I have the bold, baldness take it all off, man. I mean, I don't understand holding on to the little you of hair. You know what I mean? That ain't me. That ain't for me.
[00:29:07] Speaker C: Fair enough.
[00:29:07] Speaker A: It's always been weird to me that I get sort of the horseshoe to an extent, where you still got some on top and the little middle, like the George Costanza. I get that.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: But that's okay to me, when you've.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: Got the barone, like, that's got to be, like, two inches of hair just around the middle of your head.
Yeah. I would take it all off. I just love the phrasing that Frank uses. I'm shaving my head today. It's my house and my head.
[00:29:39] Speaker C: It is his head.
[00:29:40] Speaker A: He's allowed to do that escalating to, like, screaming, Ray coming in, and then Marie storming out. And I thought it was funny, ray being like, you're not going to shave your head, right? And Frank's like, of course not. I just want to read the he.
[00:29:55] Speaker C: I also thought that was a great joke as well.
[00:29:58] Speaker A: Okay, good. Agree.
[00:29:59] Speaker C: Because it calls back to the setup.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: Speaking of Frank's newspaper, should we launch into this?
[00:30:06] Speaker B: Yeah, Alex, you should know before we go any further, adam and I went way too deep going in on the newspapers of this episode, specifically, like, a was.
[00:30:21] Speaker C: I doubt it was that bad. How bad could it be? How deep could you have possibly got?
[00:30:25] Speaker B: Like, a solid 40 minutes of deep diving.
[00:30:28] Speaker D: All right.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: We hired a private investigator to go real deep and take long distance photographs of people delivering the newspaper, following people background checks, every oh, come on in. Come in, please.
[00:30:49] Speaker C: Hello.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: I'm Private John investigator.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: Private John investigator to talk about the newspapers.
[00:30:57] Speaker B: I overheard that you were talking about the newspapers, and I just decided now is a good time to show up. Is this a good time, or should I dip?
[00:31:05] Speaker A: Private John? Yes. Great to see you. By the way, your 1950s military uniform, I think it might be stolen valor, but it does look great.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: Nah, nobody's alive to claim it, so it's fine.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: Private J. Investigator.
[00:31:21] Speaker B: You could just call me by my last name. That's what I went by in the academy.
[00:31:25] Speaker C: Investigator.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: Private investigator. Yeah.
[00:31:28] Speaker A: I thought it was your rank. It is my private first class.
[00:31:32] Speaker B: It's like how you say like Dr. So and so. You refer to me as private.
[00:31:37] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:37] Speaker B: Investigator.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: The good. Yeah, I kind of expected you to come in now seeing as you bugged this room and everything and we do.
[00:31:44] Speaker C: Record I don't know what you have an idea, but this meeting is private investigator I'm aware of that.
[00:31:51] Speaker B: You won't tell me what is private.
[00:31:54] Speaker A: You don't tell me what is guy's. If nothing else, this guy's an expert on privacy.
[00:32:00] Speaker C: Is he?
[00:32:00] Speaker A: Well yeah. So we hired Private John Investigator to really deep dive into this stuff. Find out what's the story with this newspaper. Frank is reading this newspaper that says on the back it's a news day. It says that the only word I can make out in the headline is tottering. T-O-D-D-E-R-R-I-N-G like tottering, but tottering.
[00:32:28] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:32:29] Speaker C: Oh, Duke. Go on.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Here's the thing. We did a deep dive into this newspaper. We screenshotted, we zoomed in. We were not able to determine the date of the paper, but we could.
[00:32:39] Speaker A: Tell that it was his enhance was broken. My zoom worked, but his enhance was broken.
[00:32:43] Speaker C: The enhance, there's like a million AI.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: Upscalers they took it all from me. They took it all just to make the new CSI better. But they raided my house specifically.
[00:32:54] Speaker A: What a lot of people don't know is that the crew of CSI is a crime scene investigative unit. So Ted Danson obviously showed up. Sinise showed up to your place. It was huge. Like there were helicopters filming everything. It was like when they busted Jared.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: You don't have to tell me about the time they busted Jared. I lived that night. Every I relived that you busted Jared. I was the private that busted.
[00:33:22] Speaker A: Oh, because you took home the pants there's all those shots of you walking out of Jared's house.
[00:33:32] Speaker B: Yeah, actually I will say the reason I looked up private Investigator over here is because I saw that online and I went to his house and I saw the pants framed in his doorway. That was what sold me.
[00:33:47] Speaker A: Yeah, we all saw the helicopter footage of a guy in a Korean War army uniform carrying Jared's pants out of his house.
[00:34:02] Speaker C: So you got like an got we.
[00:34:05] Speaker A: Used a lot of taxpayer money to get him. He's the best.
[00:34:08] Speaker C: Okay, well in that case you got to lay off me for using taxpayer money because you're using this guy for bullshit.
[00:34:17] Speaker A: You signed off on this. It was in a statement. I don't read those that we asked you to sign.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: To be fair, your name was on my paycheck.
[00:34:24] Speaker A: Yeah, we did. Came directly out of your chase, so.
[00:34:29] Speaker B: We weren't able to tell the date. However, we were able to see that the headline was Todd Erring and we saw that there was a uniform of a Yankees player on the back, again given away by the black and White Stripes. So we knew this had to be filmed in 1998. So the only Yankees player with the first name of Tod that played anywhere in the Yankees in 1998 was a man by the name of Tod Erdos. And he was terrible. He was a terrible player, but he only played however, one of the things that was very useful is he only played two games that year because he played a lot of other sports. He played for the Yankees the following year, played for the Padres. He had a Kobe.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: However, one lot of other sports, two baseball teams, two other baseball what are.
[00:35:24] Speaker B: We talking tod, if you're listening to this, please come on the podcast.
[00:35:29] Speaker C: It's okay.
[00:35:30] Speaker A: I think we can find a way to get in touch with we would really like it.
[00:35:34] Speaker B: But anyway, so because of that but both of those games were played in a series against the Boston Red Sox in May of 1998. So one was on May 29, which he actually did pretty good. He played pitched one inning. No one hit no runs. He did all right. Nobody cares about that. The second inning he pitched was on May 31, and he gave up a lot of runs. So I'm thinking that this newspaper was covering the game on May 31. However, he was not the man in the picture, because according to baseballreference.com, he only ever wore the numbers 54 and 50. And the person in the picture was wearing the number nine. So that was not oh, cool.
[00:36:13] Speaker C: So the private investigator knows how to use Google.
[00:36:15] Speaker B: Shut up.
[00:36:16] Speaker C: Now I'm just like, you pay this guy an arm and a leg, and he just like he takes out his phone.
[00:36:21] Speaker A: Alex no one's given me an arm.
[00:36:23] Speaker B: Or a leg since Korea.
[00:36:25] Speaker A: This guy, he went to Jared's, so obviously we're going to shell out a ton of money for him. This guy busted Jared. You saw the video.
[00:36:39] Speaker C: I did see the video.
[00:36:40] Speaker A: It was a helicopter footage of a Korean War Army officer carrying Jared's pants.
[00:36:46] Speaker B: We all saw the video.
Everybody seen the video. It is the most viewed video on YouTube history.
[00:36:57] Speaker C: I don't know if that's true.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: That's it.
It is both the most viewed and the most disliked video in YouTube history.
[00:37:06] Speaker D: That is true.
[00:37:07] Speaker B: That I would and I hiked Mount Everest, and while I was in Nepal.
[00:37:11] Speaker D: There were people pointing at me, and.
[00:37:13] Speaker B: They said, that's the guy that fucked Jared.
[00:37:18] Speaker A: People moved aside on Everest to let you through.
[00:37:23] Speaker C: Please. After you, sir.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Carefully. He's a hero. That line in Spiderman was inspired by me.
[00:37:31] Speaker A: The line in Spiderman where they talk about Jared. So, okay, baseballreference.com, he played at 50 and 54.
Private investigator knows how to use Google.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: I do.
[00:37:43] Speaker A: Alex. He went to Jared.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: I went to Jared.
[00:37:48] Speaker C: Yeah.
And it's beautiful, the data.
[00:37:51] Speaker B: That is anyway, so we know that that was probably the morning of June 1, 1998 that they got. That either that or the crew of Everybody Loves Raymond just picked a random news day out of out of nowhere. That's also possible. It's not out of the realm of possibility, but I think that it was filmed on June 1.
[00:38:11] Speaker A: That's true. But either however, the crew got the newspaper. In the reality of the show, Frank is reading what we have to assume based on the information we have, is June 1, 1998 news day.
[00:38:26] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: So, Alex, pretty impressive, right?
[00:38:32] Speaker B: You impressed yet?
[00:38:33] Speaker C: Sorry, I wasn't looking. Who was talking? Was that you, Mike, or was that the private investigator?
[00:38:37] Speaker B: I'm in awe of private investigators presence ever since he entered into this room. So it wasn't me. I'm not sure who it was, but it wasn't me.
[00:38:46] Speaker C: Okay, you know what?
I'm going to make my own performance review of you guys. We're not done yet.
[00:38:55] Speaker B: We're not done.
[00:38:55] Speaker C: Give me one of those pads we need and I'm writing down stuff and you can't see it. I'm going to mumble to myself all confused.
[00:39:02] Speaker A: Statutorily. You cannot do a simultaneous performance review. I'm going to have to give you a zero out of five for this one.
[00:39:10] Speaker B: He's just drawing a lot of frowny faces and think that's a penis.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: Yeah, frowny face and penis is not part of the internationally recognized performance review scale that we are working with, unfortunately.
[00:39:22] Speaker C: So wait, you're doing out of ten, but then also out of five stars.
[00:39:26] Speaker A: It'S out of different five and then multiplied by two arbitrarily so that we can get a percentage.
[00:39:31] Speaker C: Proceed.
[00:39:32] Speaker A: Okay, one out of five for understand.
[00:39:34] Speaker B: So anyway, we figured out that this date started on June 1, 1998. Now we move forward to the folk split newspaper at the end of the episode.
You were the one that really blew this cape hard the case wide open. So why don't you go nuts on this description?
[00:39:53] Speaker A: Yeah. So after we had discovered that the first newspaper at the start of the episode was from June 1, 1998, I booked myself into a $10 a night single room occupancy hotel that had a neon sign blinking directly outside of the window. And I put up my board, I went to Staples, Big Red String Purchase, Thumbtacks, and I just went crazy on the hot close of this episode. I know we're jumping around in terms of recapping, but it'll all come together in editing. The newspaper that Frank is reading at the very end of the episode has a picture of who I at first thought was OJ. Simpson, but is just a guy at the New York Stock Exchange. And it says, surprise. Fed rate cut stocks soar. So while they are talking about the fork split in the English muffin, I am sweating, I am smoking, I'm having the DTS as I'm trying to figure out when did the Fed rate cut happen and when did stocks soar so conceivably based on the fact that we think this is 1998. We know, in fact, that it's 1998 because June 1, 1998 started the episode. The Federal Reserve cut interest rates three times in 1998 september 29, October 15, and then again in, like, late November. But I realized because Frank is reading a newspaper from the baseball season, it's probably not the November rate hike. So it must be October or September.
Those are overlapping dates with the Major League Baseball season. The Fed was cutting rates, interestingly enough, in response to a global currency crisis where Asian currencies starting in Thailand and then sweeping across the rest of Asia and Latin America, I guess. I don't know anything about it other than there was a crisis. I have to assume they were losing value or gaining value or something. But global currency crisis, that's not what I'm here for.
[00:42:02] Speaker B: I'm not here for international relations.
[00:42:04] Speaker A: No. And you've made that very clear based on your experience in don't.
[00:42:10] Speaker B: I don't know nothing about the outside world. I know the people I'm investigating, and that's it. When I arrested Jared, I didn't even know what subway was. Okay, that's a different story.
[00:42:20] Speaker A: But I wasn't when you found those pants, you must have been like, what the fuck are these?
[00:42:26] Speaker B: I thought he was a murderer at first. I didn't know that he murdered somebody.
[00:42:31] Speaker A: Substantially larger than him.
[00:42:32] Speaker B: Yeah, that's correct.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: And then I know because from the footage, he had all those posters of his subway campaigns where he was wearing the pants and holding them out.
He was a sick freak. You thought he was a different kind of sick freak.
[00:42:45] Speaker B: I thought he was a basket who.
[00:42:47] Speaker A: Killed people and wore their clothes.
[00:42:49] Speaker B: Yeah, that's correct.
[00:42:50] Speaker A: And I mean, to be clear, Jared was a sick freak, and it still is.
But he had nothing to do with the 1998 Asian currency crisis prompted the Fed to cut interest rates.
The reason that I think it's not September, though so we have the September 29 and October 15 interest rate cuts. The reason I think it's not September is because stocks did not soar after that one. According to The New York Times, on that day, September 30, 1998, they said that the September cuts had little impact on the market. In fact, the other date, October 16, I found two different headlines that are almost word for word the same as this. CNN, October 7.
Sorry. October 16, 1998 had a headline that literally said, stocks Soar as Fed Eases interest Rates And The Wall Street Journal literally used the word surprise in their headline, meaning this definitely took place on the morning of October 16, 1998. Because I've seen from various sources it takes about one week to film and one week to edit a multicam sitcom like Everybody Loves Raymond. They could have filmed this on October 16, 1998 and released it by the November 9, 1998 release date of this episode.
[00:44:09] Speaker B: We make a good team there.
[00:44:11] Speaker A: So I figured that out immediately collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital. But we solved the case and found out that this episode, which seems to cover a very isolated incident in Ray's life, took place over the course of four and a half months.
[00:44:28] Speaker B: It sure did.
[00:44:29] Speaker A: It sure did.
[00:44:30] Speaker B: You know who else was surprised?
Not only the stock market, but you know who else was surprised?
[00:44:36] Speaker A: Jared.
[00:44:37] Speaker C: Jared?
[00:44:38] Speaker A: Jared was see, he does do this, Alex. He brings up I mean, at first I was impressed, but now it's sort of like, okay, we get it. Yeah.
[00:44:48] Speaker C: I'm kind of already getting saved. It seems like this is all he talks about.
[00:44:51] Speaker A: Well, I mean, wouldn't you?
[00:44:52] Speaker C: Hey, well, that's fair.
[00:44:55] Speaker B: Show some respect. Also, I hope you guys don't mind, I have been smoking a cigar since I walked in here.
[00:45:00] Speaker C: Yeah, I was going to say I can't really see anything anymore. Do you want to go to the sauna? It actually might be a very similar.
[00:45:07] Speaker A: And to call it a cigar when really it is just a very small Subway sandwich. Is he still set it on fire?
[00:45:16] Speaker C: Don't get it.
[00:45:16] Speaker A: Toasted.
[00:45:17] Speaker B: It is still a place.
[00:45:19] Speaker A: It's toasted.
[00:45:20] Speaker B: All right, I'm going to go check out the sauna and I'll see if they know who Jared is.
[00:45:23] Speaker A: I'm certain they do.
Wow.
[00:45:26] Speaker C: Yeah, they definitely would.
[00:45:28] Speaker A: Mike, are you feeling okay today? You seem a little reserved.
[00:45:32] Speaker B: There's been a lot of celebrities have walked through these.
[00:45:36] Speaker C: There have been zero celebrities.
[00:45:40] Speaker B: That guy was the number one subject of the most viewed YouTube video in history. And then there was old man Billy.
[00:45:47] Speaker A: I don't know who works at Staples.
[00:45:49] Speaker B: And don't forget, Sotomayor is somewhere, like across the street or something.
[00:45:53] Speaker A: I did get a text that she's on site. She's driving up Catalpa. Right?
[00:45:58] Speaker B: That's pretty exciting.
[00:46:01] Speaker A: I did, by the way, look at Katalpa on the map. It's very fun.
[00:46:05] Speaker B: It's hilariously.
[00:46:12] Speaker A: Yeah. She's driving up Catalpa right now, so she should be here in, I don't know, an hour and a mean. Alex, I guess the question is, now that you've heard all of our research, all of our findings, are you impressed?
Yes. Okay, good. Five out of five on that mic. Five out of five. Exceptional.
[00:46:35] Speaker B: Five out of five. I agree.
[00:46:36] Speaker A: Okay. I do agree. And I'm going to put a little star next to it for, like, a bonus.
[00:46:40] Speaker C: You guys have changed since I got into office, man.
[00:46:44] Speaker A: We are upholding our oath to serve, protect and review.
[00:46:51] Speaker C: That was my oath, and I haven't even been following.
[00:46:53] Speaker A: Well, yours is serve, protect and review. R-E-V-U-E. So that's why you've been planning that show.
[00:47:00] Speaker C: Of course. Yes.
[00:47:01] Speaker A: Which is fun. That show, a bunch of performances of different songs, and it's going to be great. And people, when you do that at Law La Palooza and to cap off the event yes.
[00:47:18] Speaker C: People are going to that's the event with all the lollipops right lawyers.
[00:47:23] Speaker A: But yes, we're also handing out Law, lawlipops at Law La Palooza when you do your review to finish off the night. I do think, look, I'm not going to show our hand here, but that might be a big boost in your performance review.
[00:47:43] Speaker C: I don't know if you understand the true definition of performance review.
[00:47:47] Speaker A: I think that is exactly the definition of a performance and a review.
[00:47:53] Speaker B: I do have a question for you guys. Have you guys ever experienced something similar to what Ray experienced in this episode where someone that started after you achieved your dream before you did? I genuinely like, don't get me wrong, he's self centered. He should be celebrating his friend. But I also did kind of feel bad for him in the moment of just know this is Andy's first article. Presumably Ray has written many articles in his time and Andy's the one that got did I did feel for him.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: In this, I think. Yeah. Let's go back to that first scene at what you presume know, like the first proper scene where Andy is trying to get Ray to look at his article at MetLife Stadium in Rutherford, New Jersey or East Rutherford, New Jersey. Sorry. West Rutherford, New Jersey.
Back in that first scene where Andy is like he's childishly excited about it.
The way that the status sort of shifts from the start of the episode to the middle of the episode to the end of the episode where Andy is like really looking up to Ray and then in the middle he finds out that the article is going to get published. He's high know, he's feeling great about himself. He didn't take Ray's advice to the end when it turns out that Ray was right and the article needed to be rewritten and they were going to do it anyway, that sort of evolution over the course of four and a half months was interesting to watch. I mean, Andy is sort of he's a stat guy, which I couldn't remember if we knew that already, but he apparently keeps track of the stats.
[00:49:33] Speaker B: I feel like we mentioned that, but.
[00:49:36] Speaker C: I don't.
[00:49:39] Speaker B: Stats are huge, too. That's not a small job. It's a huge part of any sports is analyzing all that crap.
[00:49:47] Speaker C: Well, they use Google for that now, apparently.
[00:49:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, someone's got to put it on Google in the first place. Mr. Goldie is Andy.
[00:49:56] Speaker C: I was going to say Andy Google. I think Ray, especially in the beginning of this episode, you're going to almost see it on his doesn't like he's innately not interested in helping Andy because of he knows this guy. But also I got the vibe that he was kind of like into having being that role of mentor. Definitely having someone look up to him and then getting that taken away, plus getting what felt like to him a lower status than this new up and comer, like you were saying, Mike? And that kind of feeling, it must have been hard. And the way you asked that, Mike, makes me think that you've probably experienced that multiple times in which you introduce something to someone and then they turn out to be way better at it than you.
[00:50:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Are you thinking of a specific instance, like you dreamed of running for mayor or something like that?
[00:50:59] Speaker B: Putting together years and years of campaign notes and ways to put together something that had a chance of changing the way this town was run?
[00:51:11] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. You were going to run for mayor.
[00:51:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:17] Speaker C: I remember he said he was interested.
[00:51:20] Speaker A: I know that before we even started this podcast, you were always talking about, like, I have a passion for local government. I love ordinances.
[00:51:33] Speaker B: I did list Special Ordinance 3897, subsection B twelve as the reason, as that was the loophole that allowed us to live broadcast this podcast and eventually live simulcast every episode of Everybody Loves Raymond to everybody in the town at once. That was the subsection that did subvert the First Amendment right to turn something off. But that's a different conversation entirely.
[00:52:01] Speaker A: Yeah, but it works. It has been helpful to us. But when we were all going to school together, you ran for president, right.
[00:52:11] Speaker C: And you lost president to me.
[00:52:14] Speaker A: We cut back to the halls of the limbrook high school.
[00:52:18] Speaker B: Hey, guys, vote for me, and I promise you I'll do everything I can to get an extended lunch period. 20 minutes is just not enough.
[00:52:26] Speaker A: Oh, wow, Mike. If you were mayor, you would be so cool and well, I mean, if you'd even want me, you could take me to prom.
[00:52:36] Speaker B: Nancy, that's so sweet, but I'm too worried about making this school a better place. Worry about Mike next.
[00:52:42] Speaker C: Wait. Mike, what would you say you're not taking Nancy to prom? You want to go with me, Nancy?
[00:52:47] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I kind of wanted.
[00:52:49] Speaker C: To go because I just won the vote for class president, like, 20 seconds ago.
[00:52:53] Speaker D: Wait, what are you talking about? The vote's next week.
[00:52:56] Speaker C: I'm just that good, Mike. Shall we?
[00:52:58] Speaker A: Nancy, hold on. Let me get my promposal stuff together. Alex, will you take me to prom? Doves?
[00:53:05] Speaker C: Of course.
[00:53:06] Speaker B: Doves, the marching band.
[00:53:08] Speaker A: Doves. Marching band.
[00:53:10] Speaker C: This is how it actually was for me in high school. Don't fact check it.
[00:53:13] Speaker A: Yay. Hey, Mike.
[00:53:15] Speaker B: Hey, Brutus.
[00:53:17] Speaker A: Me and the guys from the football team want to talk to you in the bathroom.
[00:53:21] Speaker D: We're going to.
[00:53:26] Speaker A: Mike, Alex has kind of been I mean, he's been an okay mayor. I mean, class president. He's been an okay class president. But he's talking about making us wear helmets and restricting football practice to the football field and not the halls of the high school. To quote my favorite, it's 2003. So quoting my favorite guy, John Mayer lost my he's the mayor.
So we were kind of thinking maybe taking him out.
Like, killing him.
[00:54:03] Speaker D: Hold on.
[00:54:03] Speaker B: I mean, listen, I'm okay with an impeachment. We can go to Principal Johnson and talk about that, but I can't murder Mike.
[00:54:13] Speaker A: You want to assassinate lighten up at me, Brute.
[00:54:19] Speaker B: Yeah, Brutus, listen.
[00:54:24] Speaker A: This is my I.
[00:54:27] Speaker B: Know that the only good grade you've gotten at all during high school was on your Julius Caesar project. I went Big, where you just wrote at me and the teacher gave you an A plus because she was laughing so hard.
[00:54:41] Speaker A: But, yeah, thanks for letting me stab you for that, by the way. That helped a lot. Oh, yeah. Difference between an A and an A plus. Yeah, because, honestly, Mrs. Delgado is not a fan of yours.
[00:54:54] Speaker B: Yeah, she made that clear when I submitted my 40 page summary on how Julius Caesar is actually a representation for the way that John Boehner is running his congress.
[00:55:06] Speaker A: John Boehner, who is freshman congressman, maybe at this point john Boehner, the chair of the House Education Committee?
[00:55:19] Speaker B: Yeah. That guy I wrote that whole essay about? Fuck, I really thought that he was in that.
I really thought it was earlier than right.
[00:55:32] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:55:32] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:55:33] Speaker B: No, I meant Gingrich's house. How gingrich.
[00:55:35] Speaker A: Gingrich? Well, yeah, that was why she gave you such a bad grade, is you called him newt, dingrich, the whole paper.
[00:55:41] Speaker D: Well, he deserved it.
[00:55:42] Speaker B: He's a dingus. I'm sorry to get political on you.
[00:55:45] Speaker C: Brutus, but it just sucks we're in high school.
[00:55:48] Speaker A: Are you in or what? I'm gonna throw a football at the back of Alex's head and kill him. Are you in?
[00:55:58] Speaker B: I'm not in.
I didn't tell you that. He leaves AP Art at 04:15 p.m. And makes a dart a headway right to the band room, and no one follows that path but him. I did not tell you that. Understood?
[00:56:24] Speaker A: Oh, I understood. After all.
Looks around at everyone in the room. Make sure they're all looking and listening at me. Brute.
[00:56:35] Speaker E: Excellent.
[00:56:36] Speaker A: Come on, guys. Diminishing returns on that. I guess it's been, like, eight months, so makes sense.
Okay. Thanks, Mike. Oh, what day is it again?
The hikes of March football.
We see a montage till, I don't know, Chariots of Fire or something, of Alex coming out of AP Art. Brutus and the football team are at the other end of the hallway watching Mike.
[00:57:04] Speaker B: It's shot in grainy footage, like the Zapruder film, like the JFK.
[00:57:10] Speaker A: Young Zapruder is there because we went to high school with Zapruder, and he's filming it on his Motorola Razor.
Mike is sort of walking in between.
He's going from cooking class to eating class, walking in between the hallway, and he looks back and forth between Alex and the football guys, looks back and forth as he sees the football guys do make, like, an offensive line. And Brutus, of course, is the quarterback. He gets behind, and it's, you know, silent because this is the Zapruder film, but we can see him. He's mouthing hike. And he's going back. He's going back. He's going back. And he throws it. And just at that moment, Mike has a change of heart. And he leaps into the air.
[00:57:58] Speaker C: And he misses.
[00:57:59] Speaker A: He misses.
[00:58:01] Speaker B: The ball sails through.
[00:58:02] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Mike tries to leap straight up as if to intercept it in midair, but instead he does, like, a field goal. It's good. And it goes right through his arms.
[00:58:14] Speaker C: And it hits me in the head. Oh, yeah. I guess I did die once before this show starts. So three in total.
[00:58:20] Speaker A: Yeah, but that one was only for, like, 15 minutes medically, and it worked out. I mean, you got a problem with.
[00:58:26] Speaker C: For the next yeah. You know what? Nancy and Reagan.
[00:58:33] Speaker A: And Mondale and Nixon. In Nixon. Yeah. She was beautiful, Nandi.
[00:58:42] Speaker C: Nancy, she did not know how to.
[00:58:43] Speaker A: Cook because Mike was in cooking class.
[00:58:49] Speaker B: Because she failed at a baking she failed cooking class.
She would repeatedly say, I am not a cook.
[00:58:57] Speaker A: And the teacher, God bless her, as like a stand and deliver kind of thing. She believed in Nixon, despite she just she was not a cook.
[00:59:06] Speaker B: Yeah, but I do remember that day, actually. Then you had Franklin, the guy that was obsessed with the incident, and he put together the documentary that was aired all around the school called The Magic Football about the second football that I actually should have locked and someone throwing from the grassy notebook. Actually, there was a notebook in a locker.
[00:59:31] Speaker A: It was a real tactile, like, sensory notebook that had some grass on it. Someone stood in front of it. Second passer. Second pass.
[00:59:38] Speaker B: Second passer.
[00:59:39] Speaker C: I got to say, sometimes I miss high school, but then I really think about it and it's like, well, there are actually more politics back then than there are today.
[00:59:47] Speaker A: Yeah, it's true.
[00:59:50] Speaker C: I'm glad to have left.
[00:59:52] Speaker A: Limbrook high is crazy. I'm glad that we are really cracking down on the football based violence in that school. So I am actually going to give Alex, like, five out of five for.
[01:00:07] Speaker B: Relate to Ray's.
I do relate to Ray's jealousy of Andy towards the middle part of this episode when Sports Illustrated just blindly accepts what probably genuinely was a very crappy article, not knocking Andy, but the first time you do any thing and it's a first draft. Yeah.
Especially later on, finding out that literally the first draft got accepted. That's just that's got a bite.
[01:00:36] Speaker A: I don't know anything about publishing articles, but do they often take really rough drafts of things and are like, you know what? We're going to work with you and make this something that we can publish.
[01:00:47] Speaker C: For the sake of a story? Absolutely.
[01:00:49] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:00:50] Speaker B: I wonder I think that it's possible that Andy had a very unique idea and they read it and said, this is terribly fucking written. But, hey, this is a good idea for an article. And then we just got to pay him and give him buy it so.
[01:01:03] Speaker C: That they could use it, and then they just have one of their editors fix it up.
[01:01:09] Speaker B: That's what I would imagine is the practicality of what happened, but who the fuck knows? We're not actually like sports writers, so I don't know how sports illustrate does any of this stuff.
[01:01:20] Speaker A: I liked going back to talking about Ray having that relishing, that mentor role, and like, oh, you're coming to me to learn how to do this.
I liked his sort of metaphor that he introduces here. So he's talking about how rewriting is what separates the men from the boys in this business of revising, taking feedback, writing and rewriting. And then sort of says to Andy, as if he is doing this, I'm giving you the key to the mint here, which is such a specific I love this line, and it gets called.
[01:01:56] Speaker C: Back in the moment. It doesn't seem like, too high and mighty of Ray to say where it's like this is like the core element of writing, and I think it's something that's crucial to anyone who wants to succeed in this business. But of course, then it kind of gets fallen out of context. And the way Ray described it, deborah definitely made it seem sound more like he has the key to he's the.
[01:02:24] Speaker A: Only one with the that's that's definitely.
[01:02:27] Speaker C: What it probably felt like. Second way through, which is just so funny.
[01:02:33] Speaker A: I wonder if, just to clarify, in case anybody doesn't know, maybe this is over clarifying the mint. Meaning, like, the US mint where they make the money.
[01:02:44] Speaker C: Yeah. Not mint chocolate chip.
[01:02:46] Speaker A: Not that, like the key.
[01:02:48] Speaker B: I thought it was mint chocolate chip.
[01:02:50] Speaker C: I made that mistake, too. It sounded really tasty. And in fact, it is not.
[01:02:57] Speaker A: Well, I think the key to the mint is Xylitol, which is the artificial sweetener that's in a lot of mints.
Just a little mint humor from the boys. He laughed at my mint joke, Mike. I'm going to give him some points for that.
[01:03:11] Speaker B: You're too easy on points, Adam.
[01:03:13] Speaker A: I don't know, but Andy's reaction to the feedback is interesting. His visceral physical reaction. Ray says later that he was crying and shuddering, which is sort of like me when I read a three star review of our podcast. Mike, you've seen me, picked me up off the floor many times.
[01:03:36] Speaker B: You get a little emotional.
[01:03:38] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's just hard for people to say that. Why does this system only let me give three stars? I want to give more. I want to give this is my favorite podcast. I feel really bad for these people. It's heartbreaking and it's just heartbreaking. Why can I not actually give you money through the review?
Mean, I just want to say to all those people and if we can put the. Sarah McLaughlin tape in now, Mike, we hear it. We hear you. We see you. And you can go to Slash Donate and give us money and get lifetime access to the Baronus sonus, but also give us money. And that will help Mike stay in clean clothes because he cannot currently afford to do laundry. And he is sopping sopping from the spaghetti incident, he has been walking around coated in marinara for weeks.
[01:04:40] Speaker B: Yeah, but on the other hand, I did notice that I just have snacks all the time, so I could just go over, lick my shoulder.
[01:04:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Referring to marinara sauce that's on you as snacks does seem generous, but it's calories.
That's the only requirement for snacks is that it's calories.
[01:05:03] Speaker B: When you consume them, you gain some calories. Yeah, exactly.
[01:05:07] Speaker A: But yeah, I was a little heartbroken about Andy, the way he's reacting to this feedback and the sort of like, I don't know, almost callous way that Ray is talking about it to Deborah in the next scene.
Know, it's so inconvenient for me to see Andy feel this way. I mean, Andy probably was reacting a little strongly, but know, have some compassion, moderate your approach. Say. You know what, Andy? I can see this is getting to know, I'm going to leave you alone and you can review the feedback if you want to or not.
I want to give you some time.
[01:05:51] Speaker B: For some reason that feels harsher. A guy just cries down and you just lay on the table. Here's everything you did wrong. I'm going to bounce. It's a little bit cooler than that.
[01:06:02] Speaker A: This is like first choice. Obviously comfort him, but I don't see Ray doing that.
[01:06:08] Speaker C: No.
[01:06:09] Speaker A: So this is, I think, a nicer choice than just being, uh, shut up. Know, shut up already. But yeah, like Ray says, he finds it harder to watch the person in pain than to be in pain.
Other thing about that scene is I.
[01:06:24] Speaker C: Want to it's probably because he's always in pain. Sorry, continue.
[01:06:27] Speaker A: Yeah, well, his pain is, know, internal.
[01:06:31] Speaker C: He'd rather just not watch someone in pain because he's always in pain. So it's only worse.
[01:06:38] Speaker A: His life is hell.
[01:06:40] Speaker C: Amen, brother.
[01:06:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I really felt for this scene and then we see it throughout a couple other times, like, just steamrolling Deborah. She's trying to talk about taking the kids to the mean. Sort of sets the tone for Ray in this episode of he only cares about himself. He doesn't even care about Dr. Gibbons in The Choo Choo Train, which sounds like a children's book that you would read at the dentist.
But he's just like a full blown narcissist in this episode. It's not pleasant. I feel like he doesn't even really learn anything. Right.
[01:07:15] Speaker C: No, that's what I was going to say. This episode just ends.
When it ended. I was like, wait, don't we have like another ten minutes? What's happening? That happens a lot, but not to this extent. This was insane. It really did feel like this was half an episode.
I was waiting for that impactful last third of the episode where it was like a heart to heart talk with Ray and another character. And there was like this whole come around and Ray promising that he's going to be a little more intent of others. Nope. It just ended. And that's insane. I was very surprised by that.
[01:08:01] Speaker A: The lesson seems to be, don't worry, Ray. You're right. Andy's article did suck. So good for mean. He had people tell him what was wrong with him. I don't think he internalized it at all. Like the scene of know saying I love you like a but you're self centered.
He didn't really seem to take that with him. And in the scene before that, which was a good scene of him coming home, kids are having peanut butter and jelly. Just to point this funny line out. Kids are having peanut butter and jelly. He and Deborah are having fish. And Deborah, Ray says, I want peanut butter and jelly. And Deborah says, well, you're having scrod, which is a really funny specific fish to pull.
[01:08:50] Speaker C: True.
[01:08:51] Speaker B: It's got, like a very funny sound.
[01:08:55] Speaker A: The K sound in it.
I like the line also in that scene, ray, how did he get into the mint without your key or getting into Sports Illustrated? And Ray's response, he knows the mean. It's like condescending as hell, but it's funny.
[01:09:17] Speaker C: It was funny. It was very witty.
[01:09:20] Speaker A: He's so petty in this episode, though. Mike, I wanted to ask you, what is in Sports Illustrated? I've never read Sports Illustrated here's. What I'm aware of, is that they do a swimsuit issue and the name of the magazine is Sports Illustrated.
[01:09:36] Speaker C: Yeah, that's all I know about Sports Illustrated, too.
[01:09:39] Speaker B: It deeply frustrates me that sports illustrated does the swid suit issue, because it's like I mean, hey, it's just like listen, I'm not saying power to whatever you want to put women in bikinis on magazines, freedom of speech, but power.
[01:10:03] Speaker A: To the men who put women on.
[01:10:05] Speaker B: The COVID of I was more say that came out wrong. I meant it as like, if you as a woman want to wear a bathing suit and go on, like big publishing things like that. That's what I meant. It's not how it came out. I recognize that. But that's what my intention was.
[01:10:18] Speaker A: If you want to object women getting away.
[01:10:22] Speaker B: But it's genuinely like a lot of the it's gotten better now, but back in the day, but back, like, when we were growing, like, there were a lot of incredible female athletes. For one, Serena Williams comes to mind as one of the greatest and most dominant sports players ever, like tennis or otherwise, just absolutely dominated.
But a part of the reason that a lot of people laugh at the WNBA and laugh at women athletes is because you bring up a woman athlete, the first thing people think about is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, and that's a big issue. There is also, to be fair, a Sports Illustrated the body issue, where they just choose a random male athlete and just have him pose nude, which is also an interesting choice, but that's weird.
[01:11:15] Speaker C: Where can I find this for research?
[01:11:18] Speaker B: Literally look up does that come in.
[01:11:21] Speaker A: Like, wrapped in plastic? The body issue?
[01:11:24] Speaker B: Yeah, sure. Yeah, exactly.
It's nudes, but it's typically, like, they fade out. Like they darken the oh, they eat out. Yeah, like, that, you know, where it's like the shading is like they block.
[01:11:37] Speaker A: The artfully shaded so that you block.
[01:11:41] Speaker B: The what the ugly know.
But for the most part, generally speaking, sports Illustrated is not perverted. Generally speaking, I would say, like, ten months out of the year. I think it's actually biweekly now, so maybe like, 22 out of 24 issues out of the year. It's just generally, like, analysis about worldwide national it's it's a place where news they only ever publishes typically about the Mets, the Yankees, the jets, the Giants, occasionally the Buffalo Bills, stuff like that. But Sports Illustrated is like, hey, here's what this player on the Utah Jazz is doing, and he's pretty cool. Here's someone that you should be aware of that was drafted by the Colts last year. So it's a much more national thing. Talking about larger trends in sports, where's.
[01:12:40] Speaker A: This article about Larry Mullins Jr. Playing the didn't want to let that go by.
[01:12:54] Speaker C: I was thinking that, too, but I don't want to say it.
[01:12:57] Speaker A: Okay, so it's more like, is it opinions or just, like, analysis? Like, this is this trend that's happening.
[01:13:05] Speaker B: Okay, it's definitely both. There are huge analysis parts of things, but it's sports. Sports are there for people to just yell at each other about nonsense. It's fun, but that's what sports is.
[01:13:18] Speaker A: Yell at people about nonsense and jerk off.
[01:13:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:13:22] Speaker C: Amen, brother.
[01:13:26] Speaker B: I read Sports Illustrated, the website now, but I read it regularly to keep up on my sports.
[01:13:33] Speaker A: This is probably a stupid question, but is it called Sports Illustrated because originally they had, like, pictures, pen and ink drawings of sports events?
[01:13:44] Speaker B: I'm going to completely level with you. I am not sure how the name got started, but I am willing to put money on it that they were not court, like, drawing these players.
[01:13:56] Speaker A: Court?
[01:13:56] Speaker B: Like they were in a courtroom sketch? Yeah, exactly. I don't think there was a courtroom sketch of a no hitter.
[01:14:02] Speaker C: I think that would be awesome, though.
[01:14:06] Speaker B: It would be pretty cool.
[01:14:07] Speaker A: And everyone's wearing suits, and there's a judge. That would be awesome.
[01:14:11] Speaker B: The judge is the one pitching.
[01:14:15] Speaker A: Not batting. They have the little bet that'd be funny if the defendant was pitching to the judge and they hit it with their little gap. Well, we should honestly lollapalooza go down the street.
[01:14:29] Speaker B: Let's go hit them up. I think that the idea of Sports Illustrate is just like it's just magazines have Illustrated at the end of them. I think that's the thing. I think that's kind of it.
[01:14:42] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:14:43] Speaker B: But I'm not going to die on that hill.
[01:14:45] Speaker A: Sorry to put you on the spot about Sports Illustrated's name, but thank you for the information about the publication itself.
[01:14:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:14:52] Speaker A: Wanted to call out in the well, first of all of Ray taking the Sports Illustrated immediately, throwing in the garbage and saying I don't like it anymore is probably the pettiest thing I've seen Ray do on this show. Just because his friend something good happened to his friend. So now he is not going to read the magazine. Like, what the fuck, Ray?
[01:15:14] Speaker C: That's just kind of a dick.
[01:15:17] Speaker A: Yeah. And then his rant, I'm self centered. Me. Me. I thought that was I like the writing of that. Like, I'm self centered. And then Ray says, me three times.
[01:15:27] Speaker C: Me.
[01:15:27] Speaker A: Very funny. And then I love Allie trying to get his attention. And he finally turns around and looks.
[01:15:32] Speaker C: At I hear her.
[01:15:34] Speaker A: Yes, sweetie, I have a thousand pennies.
[01:15:38] Speaker C: That's such a kid thing to say. Like, nothing to do with anything. Kid just wants to share what's on her mind and the cool thing she has. That's the most kid line ever.
[01:15:49] Speaker A: Love that.
[01:15:50] Speaker C: I would almost believe they just told her to just, like, say something cool that happened in your life. Like, they didn't even give her a line.
[01:15:58] Speaker A: That's so funny. Or it happened to one of the writers.
[01:16:01] Speaker C: Right. It's such a realistic kid thing.
[01:16:05] Speaker A: I have a thousand pennies, which is $10. Yes, I should know that, but you should know that. Adam, how often do I find myself with more than take away two zeros. Got it. We'll apply that to my life moving forward, but could not think of it in this moment.
Let's talk about the English muffin. Oh, hold on. I'm getting a text. Oh, my God.
They need us down at the convention center right now. Sotomayor is in the building.
[01:16:37] Speaker B: Get it, move it, move it, move it, move it.
[01:16:39] Speaker A: Everybody.
[01:16:39] Speaker D: Go.
[01:16:39] Speaker A: Alex. Thank you for participating in the performance review. We will get back to you with your results, but let's just say for now, it's been a pleasure.
[01:16:50] Speaker C: Sure, no problem. I guess I'll just go back to doing mare shit.
[01:16:55] Speaker A: No. Don't you want to come to Lollapalooza with us?
[01:16:58] Speaker C: Oh, I got to come.
[01:16:59] Speaker A: No, you don't have to.
[01:17:01] Speaker C: Fine.
[01:17:02] Speaker D: Okay, move it, move it, move it, move it.
[01:17:03] Speaker A: Okay, we got to go, though.
[01:17:04] Speaker C: All right, hang on, hang on. I got to make a remind myself to do all my thing later. All right.
[01:17:12] Speaker A: Just tell Sandra.
She's still not here. Where is she?
[01:17:18] Speaker C: I don't know, but she left her sandal.
[01:17:22] Speaker A: One sandal. Of course.
All right, well, I guess I really liked her. I wanted to keep her around, but I mean, this just is not she can't just leave in the middle of the day. All right, let's go, let's go. Everyone down to the garage. We're going to get in the van and we're going to go down to Lalapaloo. Cut to like the basement of the convention center. Security is waiting around to welcome.
She's coming, she's coming. Get ready, get ready. Okay.
[01:17:47] Speaker B: Don't mess this up for me. Don't mess this up for me.
[01:17:49] Speaker A: Please don't mess this up. I'm trying to get a look, to be honest, Tyler, I have a case pending before the Supreme Court.
[01:18:00] Speaker D: Dude, you shouldn't be here.
[01:18:01] Speaker A: So I need this to go well. No, I need this to go well. Look, I think if I can just show her I'm a good guy, like, maybe she'll talk to the other eight and kind of swing things my way.
[01:18:15] Speaker B: Is that how it works?
[01:18:16] Speaker A: I think it's mostly about who you know. Okay. And I think if she got to know me, she'd see like, I should not be put to death.
[01:18:24] Speaker B: Oh, you're a great guy.
[01:18:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:18:26] Speaker B: Doug, you were over my house last Christmas. My daughter loves yeah. You're still good to babysit for us on Saturday, right?
[01:18:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm part of that work release program from Death row where they let you babysit and also work security.
Look, if you ever need any of those two things, I am here for you, brother.
[01:18:49] Speaker B: You're the best.
[01:18:50] Speaker A: Duck. Oh, she's coming.
[01:18:51] Speaker E: She's coming.
[01:18:54] Speaker A: Your Honor.
Let me get the door for you, your Honor. Welcome to ah.
[01:18:59] Speaker E: Thank you. It's nice to be here.
[01:19:03] Speaker A: I'm Tyler. I'm going to be your body man today.
[01:19:07] Speaker B: I'm Tyler.
[01:19:08] Speaker C: You're Doug.
[01:19:08] Speaker A: Oh, shit.
Tyler.
[01:19:11] Speaker E: Who's Tyler?
[01:19:12] Speaker A: I'm Tyler. I'm Doug. I'm going to be your body man today. And Tyler is going to be my body man. And we will be protecting you. Thank you so much for coming. I just want to pass on from the organizers.
[01:19:24] Speaker B: We love Sonya.
[01:19:25] Speaker A: Okay, so let's do a Sorkinesque walk and talk through the bowels of the convention center here. So right now beyond a Reasonable Doubt is playing a cover. There are no Doubt cover band made up entirely of lawyers is playing right now and then they're going to introduce you. Are you okay, Tyler?
[01:19:49] Speaker E: Tyler?
[01:19:50] Speaker B: Sorry, I just haven't heard beyond a Doubt in year and it's flawless. They're playing I'm Just a Girl right now as we're walking up. So it works?
[01:20:00] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what they're going to do. So what they're going to do? Yes. They're playing Spider Webs right now and then they're going to start playing I'm Just a Girl.
It's funny because you're a woman.
[01:20:11] Speaker B: Yeah, that's exactly it.
[01:20:13] Speaker A: That's sort of what they're going for.
[01:20:15] Speaker B: Is that you're a woman. The motto of this year's Lala Palooza is indeed girl power. So it kind of fits.
[01:20:22] Speaker A: Yeah. So that all male. No Doubt cover band is playing right now. And of course we've got Bret kavanaugh on the side to start. They're going to go into I'm just a girl, and then you're going to come out and forgive me for this. I'm not aware of what you're actually going to do here. I mean, we've got 10,000 people out there.
The energy is going to be so great. Do you need any tech or we can set up some Pyro or what do you require? We're at your service.
[01:20:56] Speaker E: Well, I need a jar of mayonnaise.
[01:21:01] Speaker A: Six bowling balls bowling.
[01:21:04] Speaker E: And a man by the name of.
[01:21:13] Speaker A: Well, Tyler, you get Mike G and interact with him, and I'm going to go down to the pantry. I know we have mayonnaise down there, and I might have to go over to the mayor's bowling alley that is in the town hall. I'll just take you to the green room. You can settle in. We did get your request for Only.
We got your request to mix Eminems and Skittles together and only have the green ones in there, so there's some variety, but it's not the kind that you expect, so we'll leave you in there. I will lock the door behind me, but you can, of course, unlock it from the inside. I'm not locking you in there. I'm just saying no one will be able to get in. I'm just saying. Sorry. We went through a training, and I'm just trying to be respectful.
[01:21:59] Speaker B: Sonia, thanks to you, I got g. Oh, my gosh.
[01:22:03] Speaker D: Dude.
[01:22:03] Speaker B: What the oh, your Honor, I'm so sorry. I just was walking with my friends, and this large man grabbed me and brought me here.
[01:22:12] Speaker A: I didn't mean hold on. Let me wand him.
What is this in your midsection?
[01:22:20] Speaker B: That's my belt.
[01:22:22] Speaker A: It's very high up. It's like in your solar plexus.
[01:22:25] Speaker B: I wear very high waisted pants, but I put my shirt over it so.
[01:22:30] Speaker A: You can't tell he's perfect.
Take everything out of your pockets, please.
[01:22:38] Speaker B: Hold on. I got to lift up my shirts.
[01:22:41] Speaker A: Yeah, we've got a gymnastics thing right there you can lift yourself up off.
[01:22:46] Speaker B: Yes.
[01:22:48] Speaker A: Oh, sticks the landing. Okay.
[01:22:50] Speaker B: Yeah, you got wow.
[01:22:52] Speaker A: One key.
That's an unusual thing for a man to only have one key.
Wait, is this the key to the Mint? Yeah, it's to the oh, okay. Yes.
[01:23:05] Speaker B: To the mint.
[01:23:06] Speaker A: That's where I know you from. I used to work security at the Mint before I killed somebody.
[01:23:10] Speaker B: Oh, Doug.
[01:23:12] Speaker A: Yep, that's me.
[01:23:13] Speaker B: Hey, how you doing, budy? It's been a while since you put Jerry in the ground.
[01:23:19] Speaker A: It's been I mean, it's been a roller coaster, but I'm on work release now, babysitting, in security for Sonia Sotomayor.
[01:23:28] Speaker B: So hey, good for you.
[01:23:29] Speaker A: I mean, things are looking up, and maybe in the fall, things go my way. I'm not getting sentenced to death. Hey, I would get away from the chair.
[01:23:38] Speaker B: I would love it. I doubt it, but I would love to.
[01:23:42] Speaker A: Look, if I give you a hard time. I'm just trying to really impress Sotomayor here.
[01:23:47] Speaker B: No, you do what you got to do. You got to punch me in the face.
[01:23:50] Speaker D: You do it.
[01:23:51] Speaker A: Okay. By the way noted. Will do.
[01:23:54] Speaker B: Sorry.
[01:23:55] Speaker A: At some point.
[01:23:56] Speaker B: Got it. By the way, I'm sorry, your honor. I just got very excited to see Doug. He's a good guy. He just murdered two people. That's a different thing, though.
[01:24:05] Speaker A: Yeah, and I only buried one of them. I mean, nothing.
[01:24:07] Speaker B: Yeah. So, your honor, can I help you?
[01:24:10] Speaker E: Yes.
I need you on stage with me.
[01:24:14] Speaker D: Sure.
[01:24:15] Speaker E: Right now. Let's go. Let's go.
[01:24:17] Speaker B: Smash cut.
[01:24:18] Speaker C: Mike's on stage with Sonia Sotomayor.
[01:24:22] Speaker B: I'm poorly playing bass for the no doubt cover band. There's six jars of mayonnaise and one bowling ball. Doug fucked up.
[01:24:31] Speaker C: Damn it.
[01:24:32] Speaker A: Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage you know her, you love her, and she's just a girl. Sonia Sotomayor.
[01:24:47] Speaker C: Sonya today, this man she takes mike hi.
[01:24:56] Speaker E: You see before you, he is going to swallow an entire bowling bowl.
[01:25:03] Speaker A: The crowd, in unison, as they've been doing all night, has been responding instead of with cheering. With in unison. Yes, your honor.
[01:25:14] Speaker C: Let's cut to Alex and Adam in the crowd. Wait.
That's not Sonia Sotomayor. That's Dr. Mario from the hit series. Dr. Mario?
[01:25:26] Speaker A: Wait a second.
[01:25:27] Speaker E: It's me. Mario. Oh, no. You got me, but I can hit. These pills ain't the pills.
[01:25:36] Speaker D: Dr. Mario. Get away. Get away.
[01:25:39] Speaker A: The doctor convention across town. Alex they infiltrated lala palooza.
[01:25:44] Speaker C: Oh, damn it. That's so unexpected.
Frankincense and a lot of cocaine. Don't eat them.
[01:25:51] Speaker A: Frankincense and a lot of cocaine. He's getting so is it Nugenix? Total tea for men. He's getting so buff.
Oh, wait. It's Nancy from high school in the front row. Mike, you look so good.
[01:26:05] Speaker B: Oh, thanks, Nancy. I look great.
[01:26:07] Speaker A: After get. If you become mayor, maybe we could go to the reunion together. Is that Nancy?
[01:26:13] Speaker C: Nancy, it's me, the already.
[01:26:15] Speaker A: Oh, hey, Alex.
[01:26:16] Speaker C: Hi.
[01:26:17] Speaker A: Hey, Alex. Are you busy tonight?
[01:26:18] Speaker C: No, but Mike is. He's got a shit out of bowling ball.
[01:26:21] Speaker A: All right. Bye, Mike.
[01:26:22] Speaker B: I mean, Nancy, I could want to.
[01:26:23] Speaker C: Go to adult prom.
[01:26:25] Speaker A: You know, it emphasis on adult.
Yeah, and then, beyond a reasonable doubt, does a little porn guitar while a.
[01:26:34] Speaker B: Terrorist attack is currently happening.
[01:26:37] Speaker A: All of that is happening while the entire crowd is screaming, feast on my soul.
Tyler. Tyler, it's Doug. I'm going in.
[01:26:45] Speaker B: Doug. Doug, be careful.
I'll go for the legs. You go for the top.
[01:26:49] Speaker A: But Doug okay. Doug I love I Tyler.
[01:26:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:26:53] Speaker A: I'll babysit your daughter in hell. And I mean that in, like, a good way.
[01:26:58] Speaker B: Sophia's not going to hell.
[01:27:00] Speaker A: I know, but I am. Or at least I'm ready to.
[01:27:03] Speaker D: Let's do this.
[01:27:05] Speaker A: Let's do this. We see Tyler leap at Dr. Mario from behind. Doug leaps towards him from the front. They're going to tip him. He's standing. Okay, picture this. They're going to tip him so that they temporarily become a stack of three men. And then Doug will leverage his gravity to press all three of them into the ground, effectively flattening Dr. Mars.
[01:27:37] Speaker E: I shouldn't have underestimated these two guys that I just met. Three minutes.
[01:27:42] Speaker A: Hold him down. Hold him down.
Mario, you scumbag. Where is Sonya Sotomayor?
[01:27:49] Speaker E: I'll never tell, and you can never make me tell.
[01:27:54] Speaker A: Okay, hold on. Mike, get over.
Hey, thanks for letting me do that. You see what I just did? I just punched him in the face. I'm going to do that to you if you don't tell me where Sonia Sotomayori?
[01:28:07] Speaker E: I'm sorry. I wasn't looking. What did you do?
[01:28:09] Speaker A: Okay, watch. I'm going to punch him in the face. Okay, Mike. Just other cheek.
[01:28:13] Speaker D: We got the picture.
[01:28:14] Speaker A: Jesus style. Other cheek.
[01:28:16] Speaker B: All right, I got you.
[01:28:18] Speaker E: Wait, one more time. I want to get it on video.
[01:28:21] Speaker A: Okay, Mike, third cheek. Bend over.
[01:28:24] Speaker B: You can also just take the phone.
[01:28:26] Speaker A: I mean mike, bend over. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to punch him in the look, look. Eye contact. Eye contact.
[01:28:35] Speaker B: Oh, come on.
[01:28:37] Speaker A: Great.
[01:28:37] Speaker E: Now call him a bitch.
[01:28:39] Speaker A: I don't like what this is becoming for you.
I've already was not a fan of yours, but look, I'm going to do that to you. I'm going to punch you twice in the face and once in the ass if you don't tell me where Sonya Sotomayor is punching. Tell me where she is.
[01:28:53] Speaker E: She's in the green room. Don't punch me.
[01:28:56] Speaker A: She's exactly where I left her.
[01:28:57] Speaker D: Fuck.
[01:28:58] Speaker A: All right, tyler, we got to go get Sonia Sotomayor. Let's go. Down into the bowel.
[01:29:04] Speaker B: I could hold this guy.
[01:29:05] Speaker A: I could hold no, he'll be fine. Let's go.
All right, we're going to break down the door. Mike, come over here. Mike, come over here.
Battering ram. Oh, God. This door is come on.
Sonia Sotomayor, are you okay?
[01:29:25] Speaker E: Hey.
[01:29:26] Speaker D: Yeah, it's me. I'm okay.
[01:29:29] Speaker C: Oh, good.
[01:29:30] Speaker D: I'm in the room.
[01:29:31] Speaker A: Mike's, are you about to introduce yourself?
[01:29:32] Speaker C: Sir, Mike's unconscious.
[01:29:33] Speaker A: Sonia Sotomayor, are you aware of the situation? You were locked in here by Dr. Mario, who was acting on behalf of the evil American Medical Association and convention of doctors and was impersonating you and sexually forcing this gentleman, who's on the ground, to swallow bowling balls covered in mayonnaise. Are you aware of this situation?
[01:29:54] Speaker D: I didn't know about the mayo and the bowling balls, but I was aware that Dr. Mario kidnapped and impersonated me. I know.
[01:30:02] Speaker A: So you're up to speed, so that's good. Well, it looks like everything worked out here at the convention center. And oh, look at the time. I got to go back to prison soon, but prison let's all you're going to prison.
[01:30:15] Speaker B: You saved me.
[01:30:16] Speaker A: Well, what's your duck?
[01:30:20] Speaker D: I see it on your name tag there. You know how security guards have name tags? I see it on your name tag there. You're Doug. You're the yeah.
[01:30:28] Speaker A: From the state of Alabama versus Doug. It's me.
[01:30:32] Speaker D: You killed Jerry, right?
[01:30:34] Speaker A: Well, I buried him.
Did you see my reality dating show, someone bury Jerry?
[01:30:41] Speaker D: Yes, I did see that. That was actually quite fun. Me and my husband watched it all the time. It was great.
[01:30:46] Speaker A: It did become a snuff film at a point, but until then, it was breezy.
[01:30:50] Speaker D: Doug, thank you for saving me here today. And by the power vested in me by the supreme court, you are now above the law. You can go do anything you want, and everything you have ever done was free, is free of charge. You're clear of everything, man.
[01:31:07] Speaker A: Oh, your honor, thank you so much. This is the best day of my life. Let's all turn and walk out of this green room and be totally fine. And as they turn, standing in the doorway, pointing a gun at them, is Dr. Mario.
[01:31:20] Speaker E: I didn't learn my lesson. I changed my mind.
[01:31:23] Speaker A: We subdued you.
[01:31:26] Speaker E: I woke up.
[01:31:26] Speaker A: Fuck. That happens sometimes.
[01:31:28] Speaker E: Said, Where is everyone? And I walked around looking for everyone.
[01:31:32] Speaker C: I found this price gun, and then.
[01:31:34] Speaker E: I found you guys. Don't move, or I'll make you 499. I'll just throw this thing at you. No.
[01:31:40] Speaker A: And we see in slow motion, dr. Mario throws this price scanner that he found at this lawyer convention. But just as it is about to slam well, Mike right in the face and crack his skull.
[01:31:53] Speaker B: First, you see Doug dive down and pick up Mike's unconscious body just so.
[01:32:01] Speaker A: He throw him in front of Sonya Sotomayor.
But just as it's about to crack Mike's skull open from the front, a football comes into frame and knocks it out of the way. And Dr. Mario reacts to that.
[01:32:16] Speaker E: What the fuck?
[01:32:17] Speaker A: The camera turns down the hallway. We see Brutus and the entire 2003 limbrook high fighting Raymond's football team have reunited. They're in terrible shape, but they have thrown a football and are staring down Dr. Mario. Hey, dr. Mario looks like it's the hikes of March for you. And he tosses a football. Slow motion. We see there's a perpendicular hallway that is meeting the path of this hallway, where we see a older Zapruder filming this on his Motorola razor. The new version. Football slow mo through mid air, gets Dr. Mario right in the temple and blows his head off.
[01:33:05] Speaker C: Oh, great.
[01:33:06] Speaker A: It's good.
[01:33:07] Speaker D: Oh, man. Oh, you're brutus. You played for the limbrook Raymond's back in the day, right? I used to be a big fan of long island high school football.
[01:33:19] Speaker A: Yeah. At me Brutus, I see my reputation. You must have read my sports illustrated article a couple of years ago. Yeah, I went pro.
[01:33:27] Speaker D: Yeah, it was in the swimsuit edition, right?
[01:33:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, the body I was the first person to be in know?
[01:33:37] Speaker D: I remember that because I was very interested in finding out about Lisa Leslie's workout routine, and I was greatly disappointed at the objectification happening in the article. And then I got to you at Me brutus and your story of your 2000 yard drive. I was very impressed at that.
[01:33:57] Speaker A: And I know this because I play football. Does that mean I ran for 2000 yards straight?
[01:34:03] Speaker D: Yeah, that's correct. If I remember correctly, you were so excited, you ran from one end, forest Gump to the other, and then back again 20 times. Or ten times, technically, because it's 100 yards each way.
[01:34:20] Speaker A: I had just seen Forest Gump late, so I thought it would be so funny to keep running out of the stadium, and I went too far. But, hey, I got the Heisman for it. So sorry. The helmet.
[01:34:34] Speaker D: That's correct. It was so impressive that they said, no college player has lived up to this feat. We're going to forego the Heisman Trophy to a college person, and we're going to give it to this high school junior instead.
[01:34:49] Speaker A: Yeah, well, super junior. At that point. I got held back for killing a man.
[01:34:55] Speaker D: Yeah, that's fair game, too.
[01:34:57] Speaker A: Doug, you're on work release, too? Yeah, it's a living, right?
[01:35:04] Speaker C: What's a lot of murderers doing?
[01:35:06] Speaker D: I'm sonya sotomayor. You can do crimes forever now.
[01:35:09] Speaker A: British above the law. Hey, can I get some for my buddies? They knocked over a convenience store a couple of weeks back.
[01:35:17] Speaker D: Sure. Why the fuck not here?
[01:35:18] Speaker E: They all.
[01:35:21] Speaker A: Cran.
[01:35:24] Speaker C: Well, that sucked.
[01:35:25] Speaker B: Yeah, that's crazy.
[01:35:26] Speaker A: The event kind of fell apart, but I got above the law. Did you guys get above the law?
[01:35:34] Speaker C: No, but I talked to one of the doctors about giving Mike a C section.
[01:35:38] Speaker A: Oh, that's? Yeah.
[01:35:39] Speaker B: He said no C section. You're just going to have the largest kidney stone to ever exist. You're going to have a good time passing. That going to come out the front. No, the bowling ball, because it was.
[01:35:51] Speaker A: Coated so much mega.
[01:35:52] Speaker B: I see something about the equilibrium. It got into the kidney and yeah.
[01:35:57] Speaker A: Interesting. Yeah.
[01:35:58] Speaker C: I think you're going to be doing a permanent split after that one.
[01:36:02] Speaker A: Yeah. Hope you don't get split. Am I right?
Split?
[01:36:08] Speaker B: The mayor made that joke already, and.
[01:36:10] Speaker C: That'S why I'm the mayor and not getting impeached. Thank you guys for passing me.
[01:36:14] Speaker B: Adam, I'm giving you a one out of five for that one.
[01:36:17] Speaker A: Oh, fuck. It's my turn.
[01:36:18] Speaker C: It's your turn, yeah.
[01:36:19] Speaker A: Well, all right. Mike, do you want to be above the law?
[01:36:23] Speaker B: No, I should, Sonia, because I feel like I earned it with all of the things that with all the bodily harm that I took in, that it's.
[01:36:30] Speaker C: Just one harm to the body.
[01:36:32] Speaker B: I was punched three times and then used as a battering.
[01:36:36] Speaker A: Okay, three bodily harms, but by someone who is above the law, so you can't do anything.
[01:36:41] Speaker C: That's true.
[01:36:41] Speaker B: That's correct.
[01:36:43] Speaker A: By the way, I did get I don't know if you guys are interested in. This, but we could offer a tax break to Sonia Sotomayor to film her movie above the Law. Here a judge whose ruling is overturned by the Court of Appeals, decides to take the law into her own hands and goes around killing criminals with a gavel. And this is a good idea.
[01:37:08] Speaker C: That's a great idea. You know what we're going to do with our share of the revenue, though? Bigger sauna.
[01:37:12] Speaker A: You know, honestly, Alex, I've really come around to the sauna idea.
[01:37:16] Speaker C: It's very nice. Just don't record in there, though, because I tried that earlier. By the way, I ordered us some new microphones.
[01:37:23] Speaker A: Oh, these have sweat. I would say that about these. I would describe these as having sweat.
[01:37:32] Speaker B: All right, so we should get to the barometer. Let's see what we can do here.
[01:37:37] Speaker A: Yeah, well, hold on a couple of quickly before we get to the barometer. Anything else that you wanted to bring up in the episode? I mean, we heard from some great towns folk today. I just wanted to mention the English muffin debate.
[01:37:52] Speaker B: Oh, we didn't even get to that. That's right.
[01:37:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
First of all, the English muffin packaging has not changed in 30 years. I have a thing of English. I was thinking that in my pantry that looks exactly like that. I love the line of Marie threateningly or sorry. Frank being like, you kill the crannies, you smush them into the nooks, referring to the English muffins. And then Marie being like, I'll smush you into a nook.
[01:38:18] Speaker B: I like that later on when oh, damn, I forgot to write it down. But what was the line? Frank said, I'm not eating it. And she said, you're eat the damn muffin. Just the cadence and the seriousness of eat the damn muffin shook me and made me laugh.
[01:38:37] Speaker A: I loved that she was done.
I wrote down this is a bullet point that I wrote down. The muffin represents control, trying to psychoanalyze it a little bit. And it's like Frank wants the muffin his way, and he doesn't want to be told to eat the muffin. Marie wants to make sure that Frank eats it's all very specific. It's about how they conduct their lives. If we're going to look into the symbolism of the muffin, which we don't have to, but I just think it's an interesting this is an interesting illustration of their dynamic.
[01:39:12] Speaker B: That would be a big conversation in their couple's counseling, which they will never receive.
[01:39:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
What is a blue medium toothbrush, and why do they have so many of them?
[01:39:26] Speaker C: Because Ray gets everything he wants all the time. And he likes blue toothbrushes and of.
[01:39:31] Speaker B: A because his mouth isn't huge.
[01:39:34] Speaker A: It's got a medium mouth that refers to the firmness of the bristles. No, soft, medium, hard.
[01:39:40] Speaker B: I was imagining a massive toothbrush for.
[01:39:42] Speaker A: A massive yeah, I can imagine her buying these in bulk. Once she finds out that Ray has this specific preference. I liked Robert, though, being like, the blue toothbrushes are mine. Clearly he knows that Ray likes them, prefers the blue toothbrush, and he's trying to exercise some domain over it. Very funny. And then just him gloating over Andy getting published. Very funny as well.
Also, the continuity. Robert is still moved out. He's just back doing I did notice.
[01:40:12] Speaker C: That, and I appreciated it very much.
[01:40:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
Did I have anything else to point out? No, I think we covered everything that I had. I'm so glad we got a chance to talk with Private John investigator about the newspaper. I think that's the most important thing about this episode is placing it in the exact date and time that it took place. And just again, to emphasize, as far as we can tell, this episode about this very specific, mostly internal conflict that Ray is having is taking place over the course of four and a half months. So this is really getting to Ray. Like, it can't be emphasized enough. Anything else that you guys want to point out before we turn our attention?
[01:41:00] Speaker C: I think everything I have left to say should be said in the barometer.
[01:41:06] Speaker A: Okay. All right, well, in that case oh, shit.
What's her name? Sharon or Sandy?
[01:41:13] Speaker B: Sharon, I think.
[01:41:14] Speaker A: No sharon's back.
[01:41:16] Speaker C: She molted in the sauna.
[01:41:19] Speaker B: Got it. I got it. I also got to go past the bowling ball anyway. All right, bye.
[01:41:24] Speaker A: Pass.
Okay, mike is going to go fire our receptionist.
[01:41:32] Speaker C: There's a knock at the door.
[01:41:33] Speaker A: Adam, who is your Honor.
[01:41:36] Speaker D: Hey, it's me. I heard we were talking raymond?
[01:41:40] Speaker A: Yeah, Raymond. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor is a fan of everybody loves.
[01:41:47] Speaker C: Based on our previous guests, it's actually pretty easy to not be a fan of Raymond.
[01:41:50] Speaker D: Yeah, that's fair. That's very fair. But I also will say that I am actively trying to make your forced live stream of Everybody Loves Raymond a national effort. So I am big in favor of Raymond here tonight.
[01:42:05] Speaker A: Seems sort of outside the scope of your usual response. No?
[01:42:08] Speaker C: Shut up, Adam. This is cool.
[01:42:10] Speaker E: Yay.
[01:42:15] Speaker A: Sonya. Sonya, just to point out, you exactly one month and two days before this before this episode aired, November 1998, you were appointed as a judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit. Did you see this in real time? Did, like, Raymond help you with that professional transition sort of unwind. At the end of the day, I.
[01:42:40] Speaker D: Have regrettably never met Ray Romano.
[01:42:42] Speaker A: However, I meant the show.
[01:42:43] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. We did have a watch party to celebrate my 33rd day as a judge.
It was a very notable moment.
[01:42:54] Speaker C: Hey, that's a month.
[01:42:55] Speaker A: That's a month and two days. That's correct. Have you ever presented an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in court? I know this is not your thing now that you're a judge, but as a lawyer, did you ever present an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in court as evidence.
[01:43:12] Speaker D: I have first of all, absolutely.
I got objected to many, many times, but now I'm a judge and nobody can object to me. So when I'm sentencing people, I typically reference episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond to get back at them. I will tell them, this reminds me of the episode not cool for a.
[01:43:31] Speaker A: Judge to want to get back at mean. Sorry. You know you know more than me, but I think you're supposed to be impartial.
[01:43:38] Speaker D: I'll take away your above the lost status.
[01:43:40] Speaker E: Get out of here.
[01:43:41] Speaker A: Come on. I didn't even do anything.
[01:43:43] Speaker C: Yeah, it didn't even be annoying.
[01:43:45] Speaker D: You're being annoying.
[01:43:46] Speaker A: All right. Sorry, Adam.
[01:43:47] Speaker C: There's so much you could have done.
[01:43:49] Speaker A: Sorry. During sentencing.
[01:43:50] Speaker C: I had so many papers for you to sign.
[01:43:52] Speaker D: Sentencing. I'll say, this reminds me of the frog lady. Sometimes there are just things you just don't do. One of them is eat flies. Another one of them is and then I'll check the thing if it's like attempted murder or something. I'll say another one is attempted murder. You're going away for life. And then the whole courtroom cheers. It's great.
[01:44:13] Speaker A: I like that spin. And I have seen video of you adjudicating, and you do use a big spoon and fork to gavel sometimes.
[01:44:21] Speaker D: That's correct. I always have them in the background if I'm not actually using them.
[01:44:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
Wow. An honor. No pun intended, but also intended. Do you get that a lot? Do people say, it's an honor to have you here, and then sort of like, look at I assume there's a camera in the room. Look at the camera and be like, wink.
[01:44:39] Speaker D: It's actually specifically not allowed for you to bring cameras into a room. That's why there are courtroom draw, artists.
[01:44:47] Speaker C: Illustrators, like, the last thing they get.
[01:44:49] Speaker D: To do and they never get my nose right. But that's a different thing. But, yeah, occasionally people make jokes.
[01:44:56] Speaker A: They don't get your nose right. I'm sorry.
[01:44:58] Speaker D: No, it sucks. Anyway, let's talk, Ray. Let's talk.
[01:45:01] Speaker A: Glad to hear you're a fan. So we're going to turn our attention now to the classic barometer, which is the scale on which we rate Ray's performance as a husband, son, brother, writer, editor on a scale from one to 1010. Being the great dads of television history, your Danny Tanner, Uncle Phil, Carl Winslow and one being the bad men of TV, walter White, Don Draperman, who actively harmed their families. So, Your Honor, I will offer you the opportunity to go first out of respect, but you can also hear wait till the end.
[01:45:35] Speaker D: I'll see what everybody else is doing here.
[01:45:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:45:38] Speaker D: I only sometimes listen to your podcast. I'm sorry. I'm a busy woman.
[01:45:43] Speaker A: I'm surprised and honored that you listen to it at all. Do you ever share it to the other justices? Is it pretty much an ideological divide? Like, the supermajority will hear some of our earlier episodes and leave a very unhappy review, and then the rest of you kind of stay with it and see the point.
[01:46:03] Speaker D: Well, actually, I will say people are a little bit across the aisle with that. Some people are too serious. Other people aren't serious enough.
But I will say Roberts loves it.
[01:46:16] Speaker A: Roberts loves roberts is a big fan.
[01:46:19] Speaker D: Roberts is a big fan. Yeah.
[01:46:20] Speaker C: I wonder why.
[01:46:21] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:46:22] Speaker A: Should we sonia I mean, sorry, Your Honor, should we make a T shirt that says, Roberts Barone?
[01:46:31] Speaker D: You know what? Screw it. That'd make a great Christmas.
[01:46:33] Speaker C: The real question is, like, who in the world aside from Sonia, would buy that?
[01:46:39] Speaker A: Who would buy a T shirt that says, I'm a grandson with our logo on it? But that doesn't stop it from being.
[01:46:44] Speaker C: Is that in the shop yet? Because I want one. Oh, no.
[01:46:47] Speaker A: Anyway, yeah. All right. So you will hear our opinions and then adjudicate on how you think Ray did. For me, I feel like I've said already, I was not impressed by Ray in this episode. I found him to be incredibly self centered, which is the theme of the episode, obviously, and also just not listening to Deborah.
His reaction to Andy really bothered me because he sees it both as I'm in a position of status here. I'm the good writer and he only wants to be a writer. But in addition to sort of taking that satisfaction from it, he's almost, like, disgusted at the way that Andy's responding to his criticism, which Andy's one of his good friends, and the way that he talks about to Deborah, the way that he talks about seeing making Andy cry.
It really kind of bothered me. His whole sort of like he doesn't sympathize generally with people who are in pain.
I hope Deborah was being facetious or hyperbolic when she said that. He said it's much harder to watch the person in pain to her when she was in labor. But also, I could believe that absolutely happening. I just thought he was a real asshole in this and self centered. Truly a pig for attention. And you know what? To distill it, he was like, writing sports articles is mine. I don't want anyone else to do it. I'm going to give him a 2.5.
[01:48:27] Speaker C: Wow.
That might be one of the lowest scores we've seen on this entire show.
[01:48:32] Speaker A: Alex.
[01:48:33] Speaker C: I was going to go low. I don't know if I was going to go that low, but he does suck first credit where credits due.
Ray, despite all the bitching and moaning, does agree to help Andy, even though he knows what will become of it. And it seems that he gives him some really good, real advice, considering the end of the episode where Andy tells Ray, hey, they told me a lot of the same things you told me, which probably taught Andy a lesson at some point.
So we could definitely tell Ray wasn't trying to sabotage him.
[01:49:08] Speaker A: Or anything.
[01:49:08] Speaker C: He was just trying to help his friend. And that's good.
But basically after that, yeah, ray was just a huge kind of just egomaniac the entire time. Wanting a specific toothbrush, I think is kind of cute. I thought that was kind of sweet that he wanted the blue one, but it does mirror kind of his issue where it's like he really doesn't listen to other people, especially in this episode. He really only focuses on himself, his own problems, even recounting the story. He really focuses on how hard it was for him to have to deal with someone else's problem when in reality, he was just helping someone. He just comes off as very non sympathetic and non empathetic at all.
So aside from that one good thing, I think I'm happy. I'm comfortable giving him a three and a half.
[01:49:57] Speaker A: Okay, three and a half. So, Your honor, 2.53.5, now that you see how it works, how is Ray coming in for you on this episode?
[01:50:08] Speaker D: Well, as I am so accustomed to do, I am going to write the minority position. I am going to make a statement to sit here. I love Raymond and he did nothing wrong. I don't know what you guys are talking about. He helped his friend. He helped his friend. He sat down and he made the article better. That doesn't happen. Then he went home and Deborah was just looking for a reason to be upset with him because she had a bad day at the dentist. And that sucks. But helping your friend who can't write sucks more. And Sports illustrated doesn't know a good thing when it bites him in the ass.
They ruined Raymond's career they ruined Andy's career by publishing him too early.
[01:50:51] Speaker E: And now he won't be able to write and now he won't be able.
[01:51:00] Speaker D: To write in that style ever again. And he's going to get screwed for it. He's going to get screwed for it.
[01:51:05] Speaker A: That is such an interesting yeah, and.
[01:51:08] Speaker D: Also and another thing, robert robert is a bad brother. I'm just going to say it. He should give his brother who doesn't live at home only comes over once in a while. He should give him the blue toothbrush. He deserves the blue toothbrush. What are you doing here after you're coming up to do laundry and you're still bitching and moaning, get out of here. That sucks. That sucks.
Ray's flawless. I'm giving him a ten.
[01:51:34] Speaker A: Wow.
[01:51:35] Speaker C: That's the first ten in this podcast's history of rating. And it's so amazing that it was able to be given on such a deserving episode.
[01:51:47] Speaker D: You guys are too pessimistic. This is why Alito doesn't want to listen to it.
[01:51:52] Speaker A: All right?
[01:51:53] Speaker D: This is why Alito hates you guys.
[01:51:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I've read Alito's review. I've read Thomas's review. They're not fans.
[01:52:00] Speaker D: No, they're not. They hate it. They hate.
[01:52:05] Speaker C: Know sometimes I find myself unable to blame them.
[01:52:08] Speaker D: You ever think that Ray has it too hard.
I think you guys are too harsh on all right.
[01:52:15] Speaker A: This is such a surprising take from Sonia.
[01:52:18] Speaker C: Yeah. Are you sure you're not Dr. Mario?
[01:52:22] Speaker D: No. We killed Dr. Mario's.
[01:52:25] Speaker A: Killed by the football.
[01:52:28] Speaker D: And then I declared that the man that I killed him can do crime forever.
[01:52:35] Speaker A: You gave him above the law.
God, if only Tom Brady had been there, he'd still be alive and could face justice. He would have deflated that ball.
[01:52:43] Speaker D: He would have deflated the ball.
[01:52:45] Speaker A: What's the average I know that you do a little math on the side. What's the average?
[01:52:50] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm the Supreme Court's. Tip Calculator, too.
I'm the one that calculates everybody's tip. And it's great, because sometimes they I.
[01:53:06] Speaker A: Got to ask, and I know we got to get out of here. I got to ask.
When all nine of you go out to dinner together, where do you go?
[01:53:15] Speaker D: Oh, man, that's a great one.
There are a lot of lawyer bars that are out there. It's great.
One of them is called the Bench. The other is just called the Bar. It's fun because you got to pass that's good. You got to pass the bar to.
[01:53:29] Speaker A: Get to the court. Yeah, of course. So what is the average of 2.5 plus 3.5 plus ten divided by too high.
[01:53:37] Speaker C: That's for damn sure.
[01:53:39] Speaker D: 5.3.
[01:53:40] Speaker A: That comes out a little high to me, but I can't argue.
You are the highest. This is court in the land.
[01:53:53] Speaker C: This is the first one that makes me feel happy.
[01:53:56] Speaker A: Your ruling is final, but, yeah, that doesn't seem exactly right to me, but grand scheme of things, maybe it is a 5.3. Who am I to argue?
Well, Your Honor, thank you so much for coming in and doing this. Is there anything we can do for you now that you're here? Oh, actually, you know what? Can I get your sign off on this? This is a performance review that Mike and I were doing for, you know mike we're doing for Alex, right? That's right. Yeah.
Well, hopefully in the next 2030 minutes. Not anymore. But this is a performance review that we were doing for the mayor over here.
[01:54:38] Speaker C: Hello.
[01:54:39] Speaker A: Do you mind? Notarizing this.
[01:54:41] Speaker D: Absolutely ten.
[01:54:44] Speaker C: That's not okay, thank you.
[01:54:47] Speaker A: I'm not going to correct you, Adam.
[01:54:50] Speaker C: Just get a picture of her with the document.
[01:54:53] Speaker A: Okay, let me get my can we get the mayoral photographer? Oh, Mr. Zapruder. Come on in. Just a picture of me, Sonia Sotomayor, holding this legal pad together and perfect. Okay.
[01:55:10] Speaker C: Check out our instagram.
[01:55:12] Speaker A: Truly been yeah, you got it.
[01:55:13] Speaker D: I follow you guys already at Barone Zone now, right? Because the other one got by the way that's right. When you post that picture, you'll notice I'm giving you bunny ears in the background.
[01:55:22] Speaker A: I thought that was classic. You are famously the fun justice.
[01:55:27] Speaker D: Yeah, no kidding. I'll tell you what, though. Jackson's coming for that slot, but she's not there yet. I'm still the goofball.
[01:55:35] Speaker A: Does she katanji?
[01:55:37] Speaker D: Yeah, she's.
[01:55:40] Speaker A: Good. All the good ones. Listen, is there anything else we can do for you, though? I don't want to take up any more.
[01:55:49] Speaker D: Yeah, my house is pretty lonely. I would really like a pet. Do you guys have, like, a shelter or something that I could yes.
[01:55:57] Speaker C: Out front. Talk to our receptionist?
[01:55:59] Speaker A: Well, yeah, I mean, we don't have a shelter, but I definitely think you could find someone doing up down there. I hope you like reptiles.
[01:56:07] Speaker D: Oh, man. We had a komodo dragon for years.
[01:56:10] Speaker A: You and the other eight Supreme Court justice.
[01:56:12] Speaker D: Yeah, we split it.
[01:56:13] Speaker A: You shared a komodo dragon?
[01:56:15] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:56:16] Speaker A: I would love to know more about that, but we don't have time. Please leave.
[01:56:19] Speaker D: Sure. All right.
[01:56:21] Speaker E: Come on.
[01:56:21] Speaker D: Oh, you must be Sandy. Come on, let's go.
[01:56:24] Speaker A: Oh, it's perfect.
Sonia, meet Sandy. Yeah.
[01:56:30] Speaker B: There we go.
[01:56:31] Speaker A: That's it. Okay, perfect.
[01:56:33] Speaker E: Peace out.
[01:56:34] Speaker A: Okay, thank you. Bye.
[01:56:36] Speaker C: Where the hell's Mike?
[01:56:37] Speaker A: I don't know. I think he's in the sauna.
[01:56:40] Speaker B: Hi, I'm here. That was the most painful 20 minutes of my life.
[01:56:44] Speaker C: You're telling me I had to sit here and listen to Sonya Sotomayor give the first ten on this show to the most undeserving thing I've ever seen?
[01:56:54] Speaker A: She really rocked the barometer.
[01:56:55] Speaker B: Think of a more deserving person to give it out.
[01:56:59] Speaker A: While you were passing that bowling ball in the sauna, supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor came in here and gave Ray Romano a ten on our arbitrary scale of his performance in this episode.
[01:57:10] Speaker B: Brand new sentence.
[01:57:12] Speaker C: It kind of hurts.
[01:57:15] Speaker A: Well, I think that's it, then. Is there anything else you want to address before we do the spiel and get on?
[01:57:20] Speaker B: Thank you and love you.
I think.
[01:57:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:57:23] Speaker B: Thank you guys so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe. Leave us a five star review on Apple podcasts. We'd really appreciate it.
[01:57:30] Speaker A: We got to counteract alito, buy the.
[01:57:35] Speaker C: Barona Zonus, and we'll say your name on the show.
[01:57:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Go to postfund.org slash donate one time donation or more if you want. Who cares? And you get lifetime access to a monthly bonus episode we just did. Ray. Ray. Don't tell me. Talked about Ray's appearance on the NPR panel show. Wait, don't tell me. And we're going to be doing something else for August. We haven't decided yet, but that is a lot of fun over there. There's scruples, there's other stuff. Check it out. And check us out at Barone Zone on Instagram and threads. And Baroneszone on Facebook. [email protected] and yeah, that's it.
[01:58:14] Speaker B: Thank you guys so much.
[01:58:15] Speaker C: And I think the only thing left is our classic sign off. Everybody, love Raymond.
[01:58:21] Speaker A: And we love you.
Kissy, kissy.
